iris304 - Yes, I am sure we have a lot in common. It is so hard to watch the other person put their spouse before your relationship even though you fully understand that it is the best thing. I saw my MM with his wife too as we are known through family. We spent 3 weeks together (even the 4 of us got together)! His W is sooo nice and smart and not ugly at all. I really did not know her very well (actually not at all) until this last visit to a place where we all share mutual relatives (my MM is not a relative nor is he related to me by blood). It was hard knowing he is cheating on her so I am beginning to see his creepy side. I do not even know if he could be faithful for the long haul to any one person. But.... it still hurts to know they had a wonderful vacation together and I see his relationship is not as bad as he says it is - I think he is his own problem. Now I must tackle my own addiction. I wish it were not so thrilling and fun to have this relationship but like any addiction there is no easy way however posting here has really been great.
My suggestion based on experience would be to move if you can. The constant reminders never go away. My A ended almost a year ago. He's a neighbor, a coworker and his SIL is my best friend. Most days I do ok and then all of a sudden it feels like something in me snaps and I start the whole thing over again. I don't understand why I can't just let it go.
I'm over the A itself and many times feel like it never really happened. What I'm having trouble with still is forgiving myself. I'm sure XMM thinks I an a total nut case because of some of the things I have done and still do. It's the constant contact that is so difficult. I actually told my H yesterday that I feel like I want to move. We have only lived in this house just over a year, so that's not really a possibility. I sometimes feel like I just want to get away from XMM and hide from all my problems. Tomorrow I will be calling to start counseling. I tried to work this out on my own and I just can't seem to let him go the rest of the way. I'm clinging to something, I don't know what or why. I think the constant contact is making it way to difficult to let it all go.
My story is long so I don't want to get into it. It's all here on this board and the All Sides board. My most recent thread on the All Sides pretty much sums it up if you care to see how it is a year later when you have to have contact with them.
Good luck to you. I hope it is easier for you than it has been for me.
Wow, alife, 77 messages posted on your thread on the other board. Thanks betrue for posting the link. I would have never found it. I read through about 60 of the messages and I totally understand what you're going through.
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Edited 2/15/2005 5:56 pm ET ET by iris304
Good luck :-)
I'm over the A itself and many times feel like it never really happened. What I'm having trouble with still is forgiving myself. I'm sure XMM thinks I an a total nut case because of some of the things I have done and still do. It's the constant contact that is so difficult. I actually told my H yesterday that I feel like I want to move. We have only lived in this house just over a year, so that's not really a possibility. I sometimes feel like I just want to get away from XMM and hide from all my problems. Tomorrow I will be calling to start counseling. I tried to work this out on my own and I just can't seem to let him go the rest of the way. I'm clinging to something, I don't know what or why. I think the constant contact is making it way to difficult to let it all go.
My story is long so I don't want to get into it. It's all here on this board and the All Sides board. My most recent thread on the All Sides pretty much sums it up if you care to see how it is a year later when you have to have contact with them.
Good luck to you. I hope it is easier for you than it has been for me.
<<<>>>>
It's a debate board for affairs. All sides are debated, and it can get pretty heated ;)
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rbmyaffair?redirCnt=1
Wow, alife, 77 messages posted on your thread on the other board. Thanks betrue for posting the link. I would have never found it. I read through about 60 of the messages and I totally understand what you're going through.
Edited 2/15/2005 6:02 pm ET ET by iris304
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