NC reset for Grandma
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NC reset for Grandma
| Tue, 12-21-2010 - 10:18pm |
Alright - some of you may know I referenced that X(barf)ap showed up bearing frankencense & myrrhe for the Baby!
I could have averted my steps to AVOID any contact, but I did NOT. I spoke with him. Im not going to make an excuse or justify it

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hahhahah thats ok - you hit the
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First off, congrats Grammy!
When you mentioned the farm....e i e
M~
I loved your post. You articulated beautifully the truth of how reality can slap us upside the head when given the opportunity. Because I had to see Xmm every day AFTER the A ended, I couldn't put visual space between us to where I if I did run into him again later down the road, I would notice the icks and ughs of his demeaner and appearance. I had to literally disengage my emotions one day at a time by not even looking at him as we spoke. I would bury my head in a folder if I had to ask him anything, changed my work space around so my back was to him, come into work late so he would already be upstairs, leave work early while he was still in his office, etc. After several months of doing this I was able to be more objective, and WHOA! He looked darn right awful to me. He had put on weight, the bags under his eyes were bigger, his hair was more gray than I had remembered, and this was when reality hit me between the eyes. Who was this person and what in world was I ever attracted to? My guess is that he always looked this way but those rose colored glasses act like air brushes, hiding all of the uglies that we just didn't want to see.
Nothing like a cold bucket of reality poured over our heads, eh? But what gets under by crawl most is that your JAM had the audacity to even show his face at such an intimate family moment, as if his presense was the missing link to make it all perfect. (Excuse me while I puke). How dare he!!! Do you think for one moment we could have just popped in on one of their intimate family gatherings, bearing gifts and congratulatory comments? I think not, A$$hole.
I really don't see any reason for you to reset your NC counter if in fact, he showed up unexpectedly. Now, if he had called first and asked you if it was alright to stop by, then Yes, but only you know how it came down. Just be honest with yourself and do what you think you need to do on this one.
Congratulations again, Grandma. I have 3 of those little darlings and they are blessings from above that we need to be ever so thankful for. You are in a great position now to lock the door on your past forever. Just around the corner is a NEWLIFE for one of EAS's finest. :smileyvery-happy:
(((Hugs)))
Oh, Michelle. I am so onboard with you regarding your entire post! You broke NC (and so did I) and though the counter goes back to zero, what is most import is what is going on inside. NC is one of the tools that gets us to the point of indifference, but there are many other tools in the bag, too.
You realizations are fabulous. All the smoke and fog has cleared and you are able to see everything for what it was. Dang, girl. I am so happy for you!! Keep on rockin' it, sista.
Love ya,
~alwayst2
aw Michelle! I am inspired!!
I read your post more than once. It was so good!! You know something? I actually pictured myself in your shoes, me on the front porch of my house talking to xAP and being disgusted and bewildered on what I ever saw in him. You are an incredible woman and a most excellent writer. I am so inspired to go on and get to where you are in this ending process.
I actually think it was a good thing that NC was broken in this situation so that you could make giant leaps in your recovery from this toxic A. Seems to be it was perfect timing for you to see his ugliness in the broad daylight of his BS. Yay!
xxoo
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