NC reset for Grandma

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
NC reset for Grandma
24
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 10:18pm

Alright - some of you may know I referenced that X(barf)ap showed up bearing frankencense & myrrhe for the Baby!

I could have averted my steps to AVOID any contact, but I did NOT. I spoke with him. Im not going to make an excuse or justify it

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:00pm

Ohhhh Sunshine - Im glad that you took something from my experience.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:40pm

JenJen! :)

I really think I have turned a corner into the next chapter. It's weird because I just have NO EMOTION about it. None. I feel Dead inside with regard to this being over.

I know I've said

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:41pm

Yes. ive ALWAYS been private he's not a friend. Unless he has a fake profile (VERY POSSIBLE) where he views my activity.

I went through and cleaned up all the people I didnt know...I guess I'll have to scrub it down again! :)

Happy Holidays!!!!!

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:51pm

Hi Michelle,

I am happy to hear that the new baby arrived safely and everyone is well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:51pm

YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON! Im not surprised, as EVERYTHING you say Is usually SPOT ON!

One of the tools.

I feel like Im picking up and using a bit DIFFERENT tool now (not THAT! Stop thinking bad things!) :) Wasn't it you who dug your v*** out of the trash?!?!? hahahhaha! or was that renewal?!?? hahhaah I DIGRESS....

I am in a DIFFERENT place. Are you with me?!??!? I feel absent of feelings!!!!! AHHHHH YAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! THAT EFFIN ROXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! doesnt it?!??!? It JUST hit me! this is EXCITING!!!

I like the dead calm in me.

Is this what you felt like after undoing NC for a minute?????

Iddy always says it....JAM...JAM....JUST A MAN....

and for once...i FELT THAT! WHOLE HEARTEDLY! just a man, and not a very "deeply" attractive one to boot.

I want to see the world with FRESH eyes! I want to feel open again to trusting someone to be a decent gentleman. I believe in that. I believe in myself, that Im willing to let good love in. To

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:59pm

MIchelle, I thought about you in the night (in NZ time, anyway). I thought about your JAM turning up and inviting himself into your life at a deeply precious moment.

I thought about how my JAM did the same thing, trying to manipulate by saying he thought him and my grandson (who I have the care of) would get on well.

I thought about how deeply offensive that was to me...how angry it made me feel to think he thought he had a right to that private and special part of my life...how he could intrude on that bond. My grandson HAS a role model in his life, thank you very much, a wonderful, funny, caring, hard-working man...my DH.

And so I can understand how utterly intrusive and disrespectful it must have felt for you.

In some ways, though...being able to see his affrontery clearly is a blessing, and it sounds absolutely like you have done that. In which case - flipping fabulous!

To get to this place of feeling NOTHING for him...what a damn fine Christmas present :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 3:28pm

LilMissLuLu

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 3:40pm

Ahhh, the vibe. :smileysad: I threw it out because it reminded me of him. Bastard. The dang thing was very expensive. I thought about going back to retrieve it for about 2 seconds until I realized how gross that was on so many levels. Hahahaha.

I don't know what it was about that little slip up

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 4:31pm

(((MC))))

Thank you for the well wishes!!!!!!

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 6:19pm

Oh Darling Iddy,

There are TWO WOMEN who make me cry on this

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010