NC Starts Tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
NC Starts Tomorrow
17
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 8:06am

Wish me luck everyone!  I am starting NC tomorrow.....  after some long farewells tonight we have both agreed to trial NC for a month while xAP is on holidays and we will see how we feel in Decemeber and if feelings are the same..decisions will be made!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 8:25pm

I'm happy to see that you have resisted the impulsive to make contact.  Of course, the real test will begin when NC is instituted for good.

And I really hope you are doing some introspect on yourself because having an affair is all about us...and our shortcomings.  And it takes a lot of hard work and the ability to be honest with ourselves.  Luck and a miracle are not to be relied upon to make the changes necessary to correct your behavior...only a lot of soulsearching and hard work can make that happen.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 3:10am

FYI - Hoping for a miracle and after 30 days wont want contact! Day 4 still havent caved in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 3:10am

FYI - Hoping for a miracle and after 30 days wont want contact! Day 4 still havent caved in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 3:10am

FYI - Hoping for a miracle and after 30 days wont want contact! Day 4 still havent caved in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 10:59am

I am very sensitive to Tily's situation and she and I have conversed by PM in the past.

I wish you nothing but peace and love, Tily.

If you are committed to ending then you belong here.  If you are not quite sure, and that is what I got from the "re-evaulating after his vacation and then some decisions will need to be made" comment, then you are ended yet, and might not be for quite some time.  So you may be more comfortable at MAS.

There are lots of people on MAS who are in the process of ending, or are thinking about ending.  It's not all "rah rah, affairs are great!" over there.  Far from it.

My post wasn't "we don't want you here Tily".  I would love nothing more for you to be here and ended and started healing.

But since you are not there yet, you will probably find our comments a bit harsh.

love and strength,

Rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 8:01am

HI Tily -no worries! (in my best Australian accent). I have sent you a PM but wanted to address all of the readers too as this topic comes up every once in a while and I hate to see new posters get trounced simply because of a hanging gerund, -ed vs -ing. I went through this too as I announced my intention to end my A on this board, on a date a few days after my post. It was not well-received! I was so hurt and pulled my posts, but stuck to my plan and am out now 6+ months. My way was to give xAP a chance to say goodbye, that's all, not dragging it out, or hoping he would say something to change my mind, just the courtesy of an ending for him too. I think the ones who will understand the most are the many posters who were not the ones that ended - how many times have we read here of people saying they wish they had had a chance to say goodbye? And how much they suffer because they didn't?

That said, I also know of the many who got sucked back in, by not maintaining NC from the get -go. It really depends on you, your A, your resolve, and who you are. So I would urge all responders to newbies who may post a little outside of the norm, to address very specifically where else they might go for help and why, and be sensitive to the differences as well as to the similarities that lie on our very common path.

Daisy

Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 7:30am

Hi Tily! I only came across your post by accident because it is actually on the second page of EAS even though you only posted an hour ago, and I accidentally clicked on next page. And I'm glad I did because otherwise I wouldn't have seen your post. I do think you belong here rather than MAS Tily, because you are in the process of ending, you are NC which is the first essential crucial element of ending your A for good. I've never been on MAS but I believe it's more geared for those who are having an A and not wanting to end it. And AYA is for those who have ended their A and are coping with the "after-math", how we move forward and evolve into better people, having learnt from our mistakes, and I know with absolute certainty Tily, that you are very welcome over there too. Please post wherever you feel comfortable, and please feel free to PM me if there's anything you want to chat about.

I think all Rain was trying to point out is that we have to be committed to NC for it to work, and I too "tried" NC probably about 20 times. It was only when I "decided" to go NC ... forever, that it worked for me. You are welcome here Tily, we are all here to support you.

Much love, Soglad x o x

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 6:14am

My sincere apologies for being on the wrong board, my excuse is I am Australian and I know we kinda have a different take on the English language.. Ending for me is not over yet but in the midst of being over, Ended or After is well and truely over, I am sorry for those i have offended,  I will check out the MAS board, i dont even know what that stands for. but thank you all for your support. bye Tily xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 12:52pm

Honey, I am glad you got through the first few days.  However, it sounds like you expect that one of you will cave in, you just don't want it to be you first.

So, what if you are not?  What if he "caves" and contacts you, then what?

Do you want to be out of the A?  Or do you want to be with AP?  You need to decide.  And if it is "out of the A, because it is killing me inside", then you need to stay silent when he caves.

I have to say that "NC for 30 days while he is on vacation", is not NC.  It's a vacation.

I am sorry, I do know how hard it is.  But some of us made the very hard decision to NEVER talk to our xAPs ever again.  Ever.  For the rest of our lives.

Can you imagine how it felt when I made that decision?  How hard it was?

If you are planning on talking to your AP at the end of his vacation, then you are not NC.  And since you said "and then we will see, and some decisions will have to be made", it means that you are NOT ended, just taking a break and then re-evaluating.

Until you have ended, you may find yourself more at home on MAS.  I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but there are newbies here that have just made that very difficult decision, the one where I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.  It is not really fair to them if you are here and already planning to break NC.

Yes, many of us DO slip up and fish, or respond to fishing.  But there is a difference.

Much love and strength to you.

Rain

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 9:37pm
UPDATE: Day 1 & 2, still NC from either..yes small steps but still big ones for me. Desire to contact is huge, lucky i am very competitive and don't want to be the first to cave in.

Pages