NC Starts Tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
NC Starts Tomorrow
17
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 8:06am

Wish me luck everyone!  I am starting NC tomorrow.....  after some long farewells tonight we have both agreed to trial NC for a month while xAP is on holidays and we will see how we feel in Decemeber and if feelings are the same..decisions will be made!

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Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 7:30am

Hi Tily! I only came across your post by accident because it is actually on the second page of EAS even though you only posted an hour ago, and I accidentally clicked on next page. And I'm glad I did because otherwise I wouldn't have seen your post. I do think you belong here rather than MAS Tily, because you are in the process of ending, you are NC which is the first essential crucial element of ending your A for good. I've never been on MAS but I believe it's more geared for those who are having an A and not wanting to end it. And AYA is for those who have ended their A and are coping with the "after-math", how we move forward and evolve into better people, having learnt from our mistakes, and I know with absolute certainty Tily, that you are very welcome over there too. Please post wherever you feel comfortable, and please feel free to PM me if there's anything you want to chat about.

I think all Rain was trying to point out is that we have to be committed to NC for it to work, and I too "tried" NC probably about 20 times. It was only when I "decided" to go NC ... forever, that it worked for me. You are welcome here Tily, we are all here to support you.

Much love, Soglad x o x

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 8:01am

HI Tily -no worries! (in my best Australian accent). I have sent you a PM but wanted to address all of the readers too as this topic comes up every once in a while and I hate to see new posters get trounced simply because of a hanging gerund, -ed vs -ing. I went through this too as I announced my intention to end my A on this board, on a date a few days after my post. It was not well-received! I was so hurt and pulled my posts, but stuck to my plan and am out now 6+ months. My way was to give xAP a chance to say goodbye, that's all, not dragging it out, or hoping he would say something to change my mind, just the courtesy of an ending for him too. I think the ones who will understand the most are the many posters who were not the ones that ended - how many times have we read here of people saying they wish they had had a chance to say goodbye? And how much they suffer because they didn't?

That said, I also know of the many who got sucked back in, by not maintaining NC from the get -go. It really depends on you, your A, your resolve, and who you are. So I would urge all responders to newbies who may post a little outside of the norm, to address very specifically where else they might go for help and why, and be sensitive to the differences as well as to the similarities that lie on our very common path.

Daisy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 10:59am

I am very sensitive to Tily's situation and she and I have conversed by PM in the past.

I wish you nothing but peace and love, Tily.

If you are committed to ending then you belong here.  If you are not quite sure, and that is what I got from the "re-evaulating after his vacation and then some decisions will need to be made" comment, then you are ended yet, and might not be for quite some time.  So you may be more comfortable at MAS.

There are lots of people on MAS who are in the process of ending, or are thinking about ending.  It's not all "rah rah, affairs are great!" over there.  Far from it.

My post wasn't "we don't want you here Tily".  I would love nothing more for you to be here and ended and started healing.

But since you are not there yet, you will probably find our comments a bit harsh.

love and strength,

Rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 3:10am

FYI - Hoping for a miracle and after 30 days wont want contact! Day 4 still havent caved in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 3:10am

FYI - Hoping for a miracle and after 30 days wont want contact! Day 4 still havent caved in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 3:10am

FYI - Hoping for a miracle and after 30 days wont want contact! Day 4 still havent caved in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 8:25pm

I'm happy to see that you have resisted the impulsive to make contact.  Of course, the real test will begin when NC is instituted for good.

And I really hope you are doing some introspect on yourself because having an affair is all about us...and our shortcomings.  And it takes a lot of hard work and the ability to be honest with ourselves.  Luck and a miracle are not to be relied upon to make the changes necessary to correct your behavior...only a lot of soulsearching and hard work can make that happen.

((hugs))

Clarity


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