NC is such a struggle.
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| Wed, 06-08-2005 - 10:27pm |
I posted several days ago about feeling like a "bad person" because I ended communication with XMM cold turkey. It was the only way I knew to just end things once and for all. Well I guess I had gotten so used to him coming back after a couple of days, begging and pleading for me to not leave that I have expected it again this time and it just isn't happening. Please don't get me wrong. I'm glad he's not. I have always told him that I want him happy, but I can't be the person to lie and cheat and be a secret in his life. Maybe he has already moved on from this affair, gotten on with his life as he knows it. Maybe it's just because I'm a woman that I'm struggling. I know that I have not given myself enough time (NC started about 3 weeks ago). I wake up everyday hoping for more strength than the day before.
I know every person handles situations different, regardless whether they are male or female. But I can't help but wonder...Is he happy? Is he struggling too? Has he found someone else to meet his need? Maybe I just DON'T need to know anything about what he is doing or how he is. We live within a 50 mile radius of each other, and the chances of us seeing each other are slim. That's probably a really good thing.
Realistically I know I will be okay and get thru this and will be happy it's over.
Thanks for listening.

Hi sunshine,
I know exactly what your feeling as I am going through the same as you, about 3 weeks I ended it and told him via e mail, that I no longer wanted any contact with him and I didnt want to be his friend. It was the only way I knew how to get out, I hated doing it but I am now thinking the same things you are....I also set up a meeting with him after that and gave him ultimatiums so in actuality I allowed him to end it finally...I honestly didnt want to hurt this man I just couldnt live with the pain anymore. Several times prior I had ended it and he came back with just enough to hold me....so here I am NC and it is hard, I believe he has found someone else and it torments me daily. I wanted him to come running back to me but I am thankful that he hasnt I do not want to live that kind of life anymore.....so I cant offer you advice but I can understand exactly what you are feeling....
I only used to see him at work 9 to 4 mon thru fri he has driven by a few times but he has made no attempt at contact....its killing me inside and everymorning I wake up and hope that it gets easier this day..
I am glad I am not the only one
Imagine
I wanted him to come for me like richard gere (pretty woman, officer and a gentleman) or jerry mcquire letting that go has taken an emotional toll on me, if anyone would have done that for me I believed it would be him....so now I have to let that dream go and build new ones.
Fresh
What your feeling is 100 percent NORMAL, it's OK to feel that way.
With continued NO CONTACT in time you will get better, yes you will have times were you seem to have a relapse but these periods will pass quickly if you keep no contact.
Over time your views on this subject will change as you create distance from the affair, you thinking will more and more return to they way it was before you even thought of getting into this mess but you will be changed by this experience and all the pain that came with it, it grows you up so to speak.
Stay strong and reclaim the real you.
Free
Ahh, the age old question "if he doesn't contact me, does it mean he's over me?". I don't think there is one person here that hasn't asked that question to themselves, if not here. I know what you mean when in the past, someone has always broken down and contacted the other person, and when that doesn't happen, we question why.
Eventually, the cat and mouse game ends. We realize that one "miss you" message to the other person, results in weeks or months of more anguish over what still hasn't changed within the A. Then it's back to NC again, and so forth. There comes a time where one of you, and hopefully it's YOU, sticks to NC and stops trying to fish for that clue that tells you "yes, he's missing you too". Even though we tell them we want NC, part of us hopes that they somehow at least try to get ahold of us, and what happens when they do? All it does is comfort our own fears that they've really haven't moved on yet, and we feel better, but isn't that what we asked of them..to move on past this? Silly really, but human nonetheless. We've ALL done it :)
I recently watched a movie called "Breaking Up"..with Selma Hayek. I highly recommend it, as you will sit there like me and nod to knowing exactly what they are going thru. You realized most relationships that are ending go thru this stage.
He IS thinking of you, he is NOT over you, just as you aren't over him yet. But let him..let him get over you and in the process he will eventually mean less and less in your life, until you find you've gone hours, then days, then weeks without thinking "why doesn't he call", because then, it won't matter anymore. I know that's a sad thought though, we want that, yet we don't because it means it's REALLY over this time. We keep hoping for that lifeline that saves the relationship somehow, but it's always the same flimsy branch as the last time.
Edited 6/9/2005 10:43 am ET ET by hurtpup