Need advice and help and a push!
Find a Conversation
Need advice and help and a push!
| Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:14am |
I know I need to have some closure. I have only been having this affair for three months, and I decided a couple weeks ago that I needed to end it...basically because it is the right thing to do. I have felt more empowered than ever. However, I have decided I need to tell him this. I want to do this in person b/c over the phone is kinda weird and e-mail leaves a "trail." I had my chance once...and although I didn't seize it, I also didn't have sex with him (I held hands and kissed him though...and cuddled). Then I tried to have lunch with him and he cancelled on me. I kinda thought maybe he got the hint when I refused his advances the time I held hands, etc. But I never said the words. And it turns out, he was just playing games (*eye roll*)...I HATE these games! He called me Wednesday night and asked me to lunch for yesterday. I prepared myself to "break up" but I was weak and never said the words. You know, it was a booty call! I again, refused his advances (but I was weak about it...I needed to say why I was refusing and be strong and convicted about it). The more I think about it, the more I am kinda hurt! Cancel a lunch I set up and don't call me again until you are horny. I hate to be graphic and direct, but please tell me that I have more respect for myself than to allow this guy to disrespect ME like this! But, I am so weak and still want him. I need to just bite the bullet, say the words, and end it! How do I do this?!

I know how you're feeling, I've been there.
You do not have to do this in person. It will be much easier to send him a note - just basically tell him that you do not want to continue with the dishonesty, lies and deception. You really don't have to use that many words.
The thing is though, that you have to STICK with your decision.
Get all your feelings OUT. Vent in writing. I did that, and believe me it helped me. I still read the (10) or so documents I created online (password protected, of course!)
It really does help. I bought the book 'Dont call that Man' and it said that this is one of the most important things you need to do. You have to get your feelings OUT. You need to recognize them, etc. (I will post all the good stuff from the book when I have time).
Best of luck to you. If you want out, then do it - if you don't you are letting him control your life. It's YOUR life, not HIS.
Good luck and hugs to you.
"I found that I used the "closure" defense because when all was said and done I just really, really wanted to see him again."
The painful see-sawing in these relationships is caused by our own indecision and commitment to do what we need to do.
Pain sucks! Trying to avoid pain isn't any better. :|
Someday