Need advice and prayers PLEASE
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| Mon, 10-25-2004 - 6:06pm |
This is my first posting on this website. I am not sure if my post is in the appropriate topic or not, but this was the closest I could find. I will try to explain my situation as short as I can. I am engaged to be married, getting married in a month. I love, love, LOVE my fiance. He treats me so well and I am so lucky to have him. But I don't know what is wrong with me, as this weekend I saw an ex out on the town. We broke up a while ago, probably at least 4 years or so. The ex and I always had somewhat of a volatile relationship, what I mean by that was we either liked each other or hated each other. We both did some not-so-great things to each other. At any rate, we parted ways on bad terms way-back-when and had not spoken to each other since. I still thought about him a lot and wondered how he was doing and just wished we could be friends.
Well, this weekend I saw him out, and he came over to me and started talking to me and apologized for the way he had treated me in the past, and that he had heard I was getting married and he really regrets the way things ended between us, etc. Told me he still thinks about me everyday and wishes things could have worked out, etc. I tell him that I am very happily engaged and marrying a wonderful man. The next night I saw him out again, we began talking again, one thing led to another and I ended up hooking up with him. We did not have sex or anything like that, more just like "making out." I should add that alcohol definitely played a major part in all of this. :( I do feel that seeing him this weekend and everything that happened really brought closure to our relationship, etc. and it really truly made me value the relationship that I have now and made me realize what a great guy that I have. BUT, I of course feel SO INCREDIBLY guilty about what happened, and I don't know whether to tell my fiance about it. I am worried he will call off the wedding or something and I am just SO UPSET. I don't know what to do. I am so glad I found this board, because I am hoping that I can find someone who has been in a similar situation that may be able to offer me advice or input. I screwed up so horribly and I am so scared.
Thanks for listening and I hope this made just a little sense, at least!
~sunshine242004

LOGIC
+++++
In my opinion "IF YOU ARE TOTALLY SURE THAT YOUR DONE WITH XBF", and that you have concluded your unfinished business with him forever, that no interest or passion remains to rear up its ugly head again and if there was no one there that knows your F and you then put it down to one time stupidity and move on.
If you cannot say yes to all of the above then you owe it to fiance to tell him the truth, preventing a marriage mistake now is better then trying to fix it latter with a divorce or even MC.
If you meet this man in the future try sobriety when he is around, a clear head can go a long way to over ruling hormones.
EMOTIONS
++++++++
I will say that if your relationship is not sound enought to recover from this maybe getting married is not something you should be doing right now.
Entering a marriage by lieing to him by ommission is a poor basis for a marriage to be built on.
There is no cut and dried answer, I am leaning toward logic but if you go that way you had better be sure your not denying the truth about you and XBF or it may come back to haunt your husband in the future.
Good luck.