Need advice ladies

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Need advice ladies
16
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 3:12pm
Ex AP and I have a mutual friend. We were talking one day and I hinted that I slept with him. I never came right out and told her. Why did I hint? I don't know, I've never told anyone about us. Maybe I thought I'd feel better if I somewhat confessed? Anyway, she went and told him that I hinted we had slept together and of course he denied it to her. He got pissed at me and we had a huge fight. We've since made up (no sex) He said he was sorry and that he trusts me. Of course, I look like an a** and a liar. I haven't talked to her since he told me, but I heard through the grapevine that she thinks I make stuff up. Should I call her and talk to her about it? He told me not to because it'll look guilty and then she will know that we've slept together. I don't know what to do....he sees her frequently on a professional/business level.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 9:14pm
No Energy...this isn't an "exit affair" and no, I don't want my husband to find out. After what I said to him tonight, I really think I need to talk to someone (IC) You're right when you say "where is my dignity". I have none left because of this A (or self-worth for that matter.) I wish I could erase the last year of my life because it wasn't worth it. None of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 11:08pm

Those words are the most honest ones I've heard you say since you've joined EAS Jilly.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 1:10pm

What's my next step? Well, you'll all be happy to know I've called some counselors this AM and I'm waiting to hear back from at least one of them. My first (and most important) resolution for the New Year is to work on ME then everything else should (hopefully) fall back into place. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but one day at a time. It really does help to come on here and see the support, advice, and yes, at times "tough love". I can't believe I've "wasted" a whole year on this man and this A when I could've been focusing my energy elsewhere. Yes, it is tough!! I really want to call him right now and talk about what we talked about last night, but then I remember your words about "dignity" and I catch myself. I wish I could call the mutual friends and tell her I never slept with him, but that would look like I was guilty, right? What I REALLY want is CLOSURE to this whole thing. I'd love to call him and say: "It's over. I'm done. Don't call me or anything (which wouldn't be a problem since he never does) It was fun while it lasted but I'm moving on". I know actions speak louder than words. I guess THAT'S what I'm having the issue with. I want the last word in all this, not him. He was in control of this whole A. I know the A is over, I just want to be able to say something and leave it at that. But what good would it do me? I think about how's he's acted towards me ("hurry up and give me a BJ if you want, I have somewhere to go") and that fight we recently had. I also think of the lies he's told me ( "I just got oral from her"....the other exAP he had ) when they've actually slept together or "I don't want ANY affair (when he's had an ad on AM and is now on Yahoo and Match.com dating sites.) He's a liar and has killed my self-respect and (I hope this doesn't sound to cruel) I hope he gets his due whatever it may be.

Sorry if I wrote a book. This is where I'm at right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 2:19pm

Bravo, bravo, bravo for calling counselors!!!!!!

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 1:59pm
HHmmm....where am I? I think I'm somewhere between being depressed about the whole situation and being angry/mad. Every hour it changes....I'm just trying to concentrate on my next step.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 4:33pm

The anger stage is good.

Onward and upward.

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