need advice please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
need advice please help
18
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 8:28pm

I had contact with XAP today. Not in the context of starting affair back but because his wife has sent me a message today. He was very calm about the whole thing just asking me to deny what had gone on between us. I feel so awful about this whole thing. I always knew about her but she wasnt real to me? Does that make sense? But now she is real. She was pleading with me to give her answers. I did not respond to her. What do I say if I do? I decided not to answer. Is that the wrong thing to do? I don't know. I felt her pain in her message. Oh and another thing she pointed out. She said that I was one of the others. THere was more than me. He denied it of course. XAP and I text 3 times today. It was dropped after. I have nothing to say to him. I want to close the door on him.

Please help. I feel so ashamed and I do feel really bad for this lady. I cant believe that I did this. That is going to be a hard pill for me to swallow. I was doing not to bad. Not good but not bad. Today just brought me back to square one.

Why is it that everyone is hurting but XAP??? Angers me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 12:23am
Tell the truth 1 time and then END all contact with both of them.


Edited 5/23/2010 12:27 am ET by mfreenow
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 12:37am

LOL I love it..short and sweet..to the point.

I did decide to leave it because I just want to be done with it. To be honest I hope she doesn't try to contact me again. That is the hard part- she deserves to know the truth. I am hoping so much that the "others" if she contacted them will throw him under the bus. I know immature hehe.

Oh and why she message me; apparently he saved all of our messages? Holy crap that is a lot of messages.

One thing I am scared of is if I did reply it will open the door I am trying to bolt shut!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 12:41am

:( Although I will not reply I still have this overwhelming guilt. I just read her message back and I can't help but put myself in her position. She sounds as if she is going crazy :(

Im sorry guys! I know I am going on and on.

Ignoring someone is just so horrible. I KNOW!!! I am not like that at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 12:44am

I am happy u came to that conclusion. Move on. I am happy to hear u r better....good for coming here. Good for doing what u need to for.

Sorry u had to go thru with this. Even if u told her, this guy sounds like a real piece of work. He would likely call u a liar or stalker. Throw u under the bus. Make u out to be the bad girl...
He is selfish and a coward. He cares only for himself, only himself. I know that hurts. I know it stings. But look at it like this, now u can see him for what he is. What u really meant to him.
Take it as a lesson learned. Now u know. Use it as fuel. U will get away from all of this. You are on a new path to get u together.

No more anxiety, no more wondering when u might be disappointed b/c he cancelled or did a no show/no call, no txt. Let him to the wind.

Block. U will love the power u r taking back. U will like u determining if u have a good day or bad. U will see ur health restored. I can not tell you how much better u will feel...overtime.

It's ok to start again. But see it was better at NC, keep it that way. Here for you.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 12:50am

U will forgive you over time...it's normal to be all over. Let it go. She knows what she has...confirmation from u will not change a thing

n look at it like this, he is sweating bullets anyway. Let him sweat. Leave it be.

Get some rest. U r back in the saddle. Now it's time to get ready for the ride.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 6:16am

LLL,
Besides my own S finding out, yours is my worst nightmare. I can only imagine the struggle you're having. I didn't have a solid opinion early on, but when I read that xAP's W has seen all of his old messages, I concluded firmly that she already knows all she needs to know and you don't need to fill in any blanks for her. NC with both of them will let her know what she probably really wants to know, which is, you are going to stay out of their lives. She probably also wants an apology, but (oy, this is a killer) even if you gave it, it probably wouldn't help her as much as either of you think it would.
That said, I want to add that if I my H found out I would probably do the same thing your X did, Beg like a little fn slimeball that xAP would not throw me under the bus - I'd hope that he'd protect me. This is f'd up thinking and I am going to adjust it, I just wanted to add a smidge of humanity to what he did. I wouldn't get too caught up, if I were you, in the negative thinking re: him personally disrespecting you - he's thinking selfishly; it's not about you. hug.

I hope you'll find some resolve and peace today.
xo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 10:12pm

LLL,


Your decision not to respond i think is right for the reason that you were once an outsider and giving info to W makes you more of an outsider.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 1:48am

Oh Dee.. I know what you mean. I would do the same thing he did.. DENY DENY DENY!!! As you know I broke NC 3 days ago..and he didnt respond to the last message I sent him. I told him I want this door closed and I am not going to reply. PERIOD! Not sure if that is the answer he was looking for. Who cares anyway.

Here is the update. Not going to add more fuel to the flames. But I still feel like crap about her message to me. The best I can do for her is to not interfere any more than I have. You are right Liberty I need to deal with the suffering I have within me. My heart is aching. So NC to both of them it is!

Another realization is that it really is OVER! Although I chose NC a few weeks ago. It was on my terms. Not it is done on both ends. Does that make sense?

Thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there when I needed you all. What an awesome group! Thank you for helping me make logical decision. WOW... I didnt act on impulse I am so proud of me. With your help ladies :)))

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