Need advice...visit his workplace?
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| Sun, 10-24-2004 - 12:00pm |
ExMM called my apartment a couple weeks ago and didn't leave a message.
Thursday, I had a number on caller ID from a restaurant (no message of course). I figured it was him...he was a waiter for most of his life, and had talked about having to go back b/c his current job wasn't going well.
So I called the restaurant and asked if a guy by his name worked there. Why, yes...surprise, surprise.
Why is he calling? He must know I have caller ID and that I'd figure out who it was.
Now I am sorely tempted to go with one of my girlfriends and get a drink there. NOT to get him back...I want him to see how good I look (I've lost 25 lbs since we first met). Since he broke it off w/me, I want to show him what he lost...
Pathetic, I know...
How's THAT for ego????
Just when I think I've put him far from my mind...he goes and calls again...WHY IS HE DOING THIS?
Edited 10/24/2004 12:04 pm ET ET by dallastrigirl

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You wouldn't be human if you didn't have strong emotions after something like this, especially when you feel some kind of love. I don't always agree with the "real" comment. It sure as hell feels real and it sure as hell hurts like real. Some days I wish I could hurt him as much as he hurt me. And other days, I wish I would have never known his name. It just depends.
I'm a professional writer and I've always espoused the belief that journaling is theraputic. I used to write in a journal, but this is too dangerous to have lying around the house. So I created a ghost e-mail account. My xMM is a big Yankees fan. I set up the account in the name of one of his favorite players. If I’m feeling lovey, or hateful, or just need to share a good dream, I send “him” e-mail. Then I reread them, and hide them away in a folder. This takes away some of the pressure of not talking to him every day. (There’s another common theme among us.)
Feel every single emotion that comes your way, just don’t give him the benefit of acting on them ever again. That and sharing our stories is all we can do.
I feel the same way...
I journaled a lot right after he left, but have tapered off mostly due to just being busy. I keep it on my home computer, and the file is password-protected. I cranked out tons of pages of just ranting, venting, asking questions, even wrote him a "letter" letting him know how I feel (not sent, of course).
I'm going to try to find some time to get these feelings out on paper. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't, but it can't hurt.
I KNOW I shouldn't go see him. I KNOW it. Now I just need to get my heart in line with my head.
I don't know how those ladies here who have to see their ex on a frequent basis can handle it. I would be such a bigger mess if I'd had to see him, esp. in the first few terribly difficult weeks after the breakup. I guess I am "lucky" that we didn't know each other before the A and don't travel in the same circles.
Thanks for your advice ladies...you're helping to keep me on the straight and narrow!
Edited 10/25/2004 6:34 pm ET ET by dallastrigirl
if you see him, he will still make the same choices and nothing will change and he WILL hurt you again---if you let him (spoken from experience)
I think that is what I really learned over this year is that he does miss me, is in pain, still loves me BUT will and does decide to leave me again everytime I have any contact with him--so it doesn't matter--
I've not read further than this post so it's likely someone's already chimed in with this BUT:-
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Honey, there's a saying about affairs:- "something unhealthy in me was attracted to something unhealthy in someone else."
If we are what we grow & nurture within ourselves, then just don't go feeding the unhealthy part of you.
If you go to the restaurant, you may get a meal & an eyeful, but you'll really be feeding the unhealthy part of you.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
You are so right...exMM would just do again what he did to me TWICE...go back to his comfy home and life and leave me with nothing but heartache...
And Posie, you make a good point. And I don't want to feed that monster inside me any more...she's already got a belly full...and I am trying to reduce her power, not increase it!!!
I was such a fool for this man. God help me to not give exMM that power over me again.
I'm not much of a God-botherer myself, Dallas, but God gave you free will.
I'm well aware that MeFree disputes my idea of the existence of free will, however I suspect it's more a matter of differing perceptions of the concept of free will. So far as I'm concerned, even if there's a loaded gun against my temple I can still CHOOSE.
It's YOU who has to decide not to give exMM any power over you. You are not powerless unless you choose to be so.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
I realize that. But I am a Christian, and for me, asking for strenght is a daily occurrence. Strenght to do whatever I need to, and that includes avoiding this man like the plague.
So yes, I have free will. But I am fallible and prone to weaknesss...that's why I ask for strength.
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Nothing at all wrong with asking for strength from God, Dallas. You certainly aren't being asked to justify that.
It's when we decide it's just too hard that we most often screw up. If you believe in God then you believe that He wouldn't give you anything you couldn't handle, right?
It's only when we CHOOSE (with that free will I mentioned) to give into that weakness, to feed that unhealthy part of us, that we can fail. So choose not to do so and you're golden.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
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