Need advise
Find a Conversation
Need advise
| Tue, 05-04-2004 - 4:18pm |
I posted here about 6 months ago at the end of an affair. My life went back to normal and I regained everything in my relationship with my husband that was missing during my 2 year affair. The OM and I parted on good terms. He started seriously dating someone, and I was happy for him and thought that it was a perfect opportunity to work on my issues in my marriage head on with no distractions. Well a couple of weeks ago, a mutual friend of the OM contacted me and said the OM had broken up with his girlfriend and called him after drinking and asked to have me call the OM. After much debate, I called him. The conversation went well and stayed on a friendship level. But since then, he is emailing me asking to go out to lunch or hang out sometime. I haven't told him yet but I scheduled some time off tomorrow to meet him for lunch. Before I call him, I need some opinions on what to do????

JMHO
My H works rediculous hours also and it was the lack of attention that lead me to stray. Oh, how I craved the attention I got from XMM. Now that is all behind me. When I feel vulnerable I email my H. He usually can't check it at work, but I think he enjoys the extra attention I am giving him too. I found that the more I opened up to him, the better things became for me. I don't miss XMM at all anymore. He's a neighbor and we work together so I do still see him around, but that is just it. I see him and move on.
I'm a little rushed so I hope this makes sense.
Simply put: DON'T GO. You're a lot more than a shoulder to lean on because the relationship didn't pan out for xMM.
You CHOSE to work on your marriage. SO continue to do so until such time (if there ever is one) that the marriage should end.
xMM is being rather manipulative here, particularly since he already knows you made a decision to end your relationship with him to remain in your marriage 100%.
If for some strange reason you can't seem to bring yourself to not go to luch, picture yourself sitting at lunch with your xMM and your husband walks into the restaurant and sees the two of you together. What would you say? How would you explain the lunch? Would you introduce xMM to your husband? If not, why not? And if not, what are you hiding for? My point is that you have lived and continue to live a life without any more secrets from your husband. So why put yourself into the position---again--- to have to think up a story or lie?
Is xMM really worth it? If so then why are you staying in your marriage?
Quit playing both sides and keep your life above board in the open........
jmhMo (just my humble Male opinion)
cl-nre
Don't just assume that your H knows what you want. Sometimes it's best to spell it out for him. For years, I left hint after hint as to how unhappy I was, my H didn't pick up on any of it. I finally just came right out and told him that I was so unhappy, felt so unappreciated and even though we have a house full of people I was so lonely. I told him I needed some attention. With the look of shock on his face when I told him this I knew my hints fell on deaf ears. He really had no idea.
H and I had a HUGE communication problem, which we are really working on now. Right before my A started I sat him down one day and told him that if he didn't talk to me, I would find someone who would. His response was "Go ahead, then I won't have to have idle chit chat about nothing with you." This isn't what I wanted to hear and I should have at that point told him of my attraction to XMM and that there was someone in the wings just waiting to give me the attention that I wasn't getting at home. I felt like he had given me permission to have an A. When in all reality he had no clue on how serious I was.
Now whenever we start to fall back to the old way of me feeling unappreciated, I flat out tell him. If something is bothering me, I tell him.
We are the happiest that we have ever been in the 18 years that we have been married.
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
Just a suggestion.