Need advise on how to move on
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| Fri, 04-01-2005 - 4:54am |
Hello to all, it has been a long time since I've posted here. It has been over a year since I ended my affair. Things have been good. I've moved on with my life and I'm actually content with the way things are in my life right now. Some of you may not know me or remember me so let me give you a very brief update on my situation.
I had been in an affair with a MM for 15 or 16 years. I ended the relationship last year. It was hard, but thing got better for me. Time really does heal almost all wounds. He is still married. Me on the other hand ended my marriage 5 years ago in hopes of building a life with MM. Needless to say he lied to me and never had any intentions of leaving his dear W. This whole thing has taught me some of life's greatest lessons. I'm actually thankful for this affair. I have no bitter feeling towards MM. I'm thankful for the role that he played in my life.
There is one area that I'm really struggling with right now. I can't get past the fact that I will never know the truth. The truth about "why" he did this. The lies.....
even after I gave him several opportunities to come clean and "just" be honest. I don't think he would tell me the truth on his dying bed. It's really mute at this point in the ballgame. Even after a year I can't move past not knowing "why" he did what he did. I honestly know that I will never know. But, how do I move past that, and not let it hurt or get me upset everytime I think of the lies he told?
Thanks
secretluver

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hi secret,
i feel your confusion, pain, and all the wondering, 15-16 yrs is a lot of time u have invested for this person, 15/16 yrs of uncertainty, is this what your are still looking forward to
i know it is very hard, but there comes a time when we need change, drastic change, sometimes we can do it , sometimes it will take time to do it, i am at a loss on what to say, from my point of view, i can tell u realy care for this man, u have a big heart and it is your downfall so to speak( yes just like me), im a sucker for such things sad
u probably think u are some sort of female knight and shining armor and wanted to save him from him misery, i feel like that sometimes, again i could be wrong
i admire u in some way that u have the conviction and the patience to stand by him after all what he has done to u
ok now for all the why's, this is just my own personal opinion, .... in my hearts of hearts, i think he is afraid, afraid of change of heart, he is selfish, ONLY THINKS OF HIMSELF, he never took you feelings in consideration, he took u for granted coz u are always there for him, 5 times , u have showed above and beyond courage, is this love for him, i think so?, i think u have unconditional love for this man, i am not sure if u are married or have kids but if u can re-direct all of this to them , i consider them the luckiest people on earth, heck u can adopt me too, im oprhan u know :)
seriously, if MM realy LOVE U, he WOULD BE WITH U NO MATTER WHAT, no matter what his kids would feel, a lot of people make this decision everyday and their kids turned out ok, a lot of people lost thier job but they turn out ok, they find another job, a dying father's wish ..... that is hard to not to do but still, i wonder if he is telling u the truth
and there the kicker, he was seeing 2 other women, so what makes u think if he is with u that he wont cheat on u, this are just some sensible things that i can see based on your post
i know u love him with all your heart, but all your heart is not enough
i am having all kinds of crap too with OW in my life so im taking it 1 day at a time, i dont even post what happened coz its such drama , i feel like i will post when there is some good to report, there is so much sadness here
i pray u can make the right decision for yourself, we all are looking for that right thing to do or else we wont be here
take care,
max
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