Need to be talked down. Asking for help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2009
Need to be talked down. Asking for help.
12
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 1:33pm

I don't know if anyone remembers me because I tend to pop in and out.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 1:40pm
Smoted
I do remember the last time you poked your head in and I'm glad you've come back. The feelings you have are completely normal in ending this - two weeks is about right for anger to rear it's head for the first time - and for the hurt to really set in how who you were to him -

I cannot say that it will be easy, but forgoing the urge to contact him WILL be the best choice in the long run. We do not know how easy or not easy it is for the xAP, only that we are not in contact with them - and the truth is it doesn't matter how they are feeling. So to strengthen yourself - answer this...

Why are you ending?
What do you want in the long run?
Who matters most to you?

Use those feelings of anger to fuel yourself in getting past him - moving forward and making progress. I know it hurts. I know you feel used and empty and devoid of good things - but you ARE worthy of good things and love and beautiful parts of life.

For now, I can say that one of the biggest helps I did was to find someone to serve - babysit, take dinner, make something, rake a yard, whatever - reengage in others so that you can put away the contentious feelings of ending and instead learn to love through service -

We are here and I'm happy you are too!
Much love,
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 2:08pm

Hi Smoted,

I am a new member so I dont remember you from before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 2:24pm

Yep, I get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 2:58pm

Smoted,

Anger is just another stage in the grieving process, so actually you are right on track. I know that doesn't help much, but at least you now know why it is rearing it's ugly head after 2.5 weeks of progress. The only way to deal with anger is to redirect it at ourselves where it really belongs and then deal with it constructively. How his life is now is no longer any concern of yours. What you are doing with yours. is. This is where all of your focus needs to be...on you, your family, your healing, and anything that pertains just to you.

It's normal to miss them as long as we ride out the feeling when it strikes and NEVER act upon it. Contacting him now just to let off steam wouldn't do a damn bit of good and will leave you feeling worse off than you already do. Besides, he may have you blocked and that would tee you off even more when you hear nothing back. Just let this go....we have a 48 hour rule around here to not do anything when we feel an urge to act out, and after those 2 days pass, you will be in a better mind frame and hopefully grateful that you didn't blow it.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:03pm
Smoted,
Welcome back. Two weeks of feeling good then, out of the blue, feeling anger is NORMAL. Do not undo the two weeks you've accomplished. It will not make you feel any better to let him know you are angry and it doesn't mattert any way because you are out of each others lives now. You have to ride out the tornado of emotions that are going to occur in the next month. But it DOES get better. I'm glad you are re-engaging with H, but don't feel bad if that's not enough to make you feel better. The problems that got you into the A don't disappear just because you end. If you aren't seeing a T, I highly suggest it. I am a little more than 3 months out and my growth has bee astounding with the help of my T. Even at two months out, I was still contemplating ending my M because I was still thinking that was my issue. I have since discovered it is not. I've uncovered a lot oif my issues and have changed personally and as a M partner. It has helped me see the real love of my H and the feelings I have for him now are genuine

Immersing yoursel in family is great but there is work to be done inside, too.

We are here for you.
Alwayst2
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:08pm

Smoted, it is the "charm" of the 3 weeks.

Almost all of us here, at EAS, have experienced extreme withdrawals at week 3.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:12pm
I absolutely must agree with Garfy regarding that three week mark. I tried to end twice before and always caved at that three week point. Not this time, though!!! Push thru this urge, sweetie. You can and will get past it--just like all of us here have. Post your little heart out; there is always someone here to "talk" to.

Wishing you strength and belief,
Alwayst
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2009
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:26pm

Thank you for your replies. I don't know what's coming over me today, but whatever it is, it's not good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 3:38am

Hi Smoted

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 4:35pm

Thank you, Melinda.

Pages