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| Sun, 10-31-2004 - 9:02pm |
So I get home and H goes to bed. My friend couldn't drive homw, so she stayed at my place. We sat up and talked for awhile, then she went to bed...then xOM called and I answered. Of course he wanted the usual "Do you want to come over?" I asked why and he went into this story about how great we were together (in bed) and how we should still be having sex because it was so amazing, neither one of us will ever find that kind of chemistry anywhere else. So I said, "Look, I've tried being friends with you, but apparently sex is all you want and I'm not looking for that - I don't want to be your part-time whore". We then got into this long discussion about how hard it was for him to be my friend because that was how our relationship got started and he was afraid if we went back to being friends, eventually old feelings would come back and we would be back in the A. OK - I said, but you think we can SLEEP together and not have old feeling arise??? Yes he said, because the relationship started from the friendship, not the sex. He said he went through a really hard time when we broke up. That he truly loved me and wanted to be with me, but part of him felt like he was too young to get seriously involved with someone (even though I'm MARRIED and could NOT get involved in a serious relationship!). He said everytime he sees me, he wants me (sexually). When we saw each other on Friday it was everything he could do not to kiss me. I just don't get it - after where we've been how can you seperate those emotions?
There is no way I could sleep with him and NOT have old feelings be there. Am I nuts?? Does what he said make sense to anyone? Is he really just looking for a booty call? Or is he trying to play games with me to get me back (I told him I was over the whole thing)?I'm sure there are other people he could call besides me! And the last 4 times he has "called" I have said no - so wouldn't he get the point??? Need feedback, please!
Diva

I am single . my EX MM seems to call only for a booty call . Yeah our sex is so amazing .....but he pulls away after that , It makes me feel like I am his hooker ..........except I am not getting paid ;-)
So I finally gave up on this A . I will not be treated like a hooker.
Now he keeps calling .Even though I show no interest in meeting him . but he only calls when he is in my town or knows he is coming to my town . He says he doesn't want sex he just wants me to know that he is thinking of me and he is missing me .
and I am like WTF ??? If you were really missing me and thinking of me you would do it not only when your coming to my town . So whatever .
But yet still he continues to call when he knows he is coming to my town asking to meet me , "just for dinner" "just to talk"........
I say to him I don't understand what there is to talk about . For he can not give me what I expect out of the A .and yet he still is calling wanting to meet .
Of course if you have sex with him , old feelings come up . and of course emotions come with the sex or else you end up feeling like a whore .
I don't know maybe men can separate . But I can't and I am sure you can't .
So why do they keep calling ???? Even though you say no ...........well maybe it is an ego thing . They keep trying and trying and finally you give in because you miss the sex so bad . and that makes him feel better about himself. Yeah she still wants me even though I treated her like a whore .
You just have to be strong , keep saying no !! If he can't offer an emotional attachment with the sex then suggest he go hire a hooker !! That is what hookers are for . sex with no stings attached !!
Be strong girl !! xoxo ViperDiva
xoxo ViperDiva
Seems to me your affair is still very much ongoing and that you are simply attempting to renegotiate terms.
You want X which appears to be FWB with emphasis on the Friends - He wants Y which appears to be No-Strings Sex without the bother of even the Friends bit.
YOU have CONTROL over whether or not he is ABLE to contact you and YOU continue to CHOOSE to take those booty calls.
To be honest, my bet is you'll happily accept the new terms of a Sex-Only affair in hopes you can eek out some Friendly bits since you obviously aren't actually interested in moving on yet.
For those who *are* actually trying to end their affairs rather than simply renegotiate terms, it's probably difficult & painful to read your posts, AD.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Posie, ITA!
Either crap or get off the pot. <-----sorry so blunt, but several of you gals have serious validation problems, and if you are that insecure, you need more than this board, IMO.
1) Accceptiong phones calls and discussing who's what to whom is a "NOT OVER" situation. You are still looking for cracks in the wall so you can slip back in...
2) Planning getaway weekends (ARE YOU READING THIS LOVESEC?) is a slap acrose the faces of all of these hurting women who are trying to move on....
Please realise the importance of this forum. It is for guidance and support for people "ENDING" the affair, NOT for those seeking an escape clause for continuing it !!
~True~
It seems to me that your xOM is a selfish jerk intent on saying anything to get you to drop your pants for him.
Nothing more.
His comments are pure BS from someone looking to get laid and fishing to see if you'll just