Need to get some closure....
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| Sat, 02-05-2005 - 11:49pm |
I had posted on the other board, but decided maybe I should post here. I had an A for about 2 years. It was more of an emotional affair. We saw each other for about 2 years. We talked just about every day and emailed every day. His wife noticed all the calls to my number on the cell phone bill and then decided to break into his email account. I didn't know he had saved most of our emails, but he had (I think a lot of them too). Many were flirtatious in nature. Also, he had told me he loved me and I told him that I loved him in the emails. Well, you can imagine his wife's reaction. He told me what had happened and at first he said that he would always talk to me--that I would always be in his life, and then he said "we should only talk office to office." The next day he said "we should talk in 4 months." By the next time, he was crying on the phone because she was threatening to use those emails to ruin his career. She has copies of them all. I asked him (very hesitantly) "are you getting....divorced?"
(he was so distraught) He said "perhaps in 2 or 3 years." (I have no idea why then..???.)
He was so upset and he said please don't call or email me. She was going to contact me too, but never did (I told him to tell her that if she did that I would file a police report for harassing me). Now I am left wondering how he is. If he is ok. I am worried about him. If she took those emails to his boss.
He was the person I enjoyed talking to most in my life. I really feel like I screwed up because I lost one of my best friends. I am so sad. I have been good about not contacting him, but it is eating me alive. I don't know how long I can wait not knowing if he is ok (Obviously things are not "OK", but I would hope they are improving from that day)
Did any of you have NC like this situation and then finally got some closure?

NLNY
Most don't get real closure try not to torment yourself about getting it.
If this man is important to you as a FRIEND then DON'T contact him, more then likely if your out of the picture completly his wife will cool down and not do anything rash like going to the BOSS.
With some MC they may be able to repair there relationship, so if you care let him work things out one way or another with his wife your presence can only make things harder for him.
You don't say if your married, if so how is that, if not maybe when your ready you need to be looking at a single guy that can be yours 24/7.
Jmho
Free
Hi
I have been followign your postst on the other board.
Closure is an interesting thing.. for me it was about getting answers I may never hear. I think we all look for validation that what we did and felt was real. I have spoken to my MM after he ended things. I cant say it gave me "closure".
I think your MM is totally worried about his M and is just too scared to contact you. If there is no real hope that he can resume the R then most on this board will tell you it is better to keep the NC and keep trying to move on. I am sure at a time when you are stronger and MM feels better about is M you will talk again if nothing else bu to just touch base.
I am so sorry you were just cut off like that..it is a very hard thing to deal with. YOu had no time to get used to the idea that he wasnt going to be in your life anymore.But anyway it ended it is difficult. Just try and keep doign what you are doing. Trust in the fact that this isnt about you but about Mm and his W.
Best wishes!
Thanks, it is really hard. Back in December we were really trying to be "just friends" and everything was going well. It's sad that she had to find those emails. It's kind of cute that he kept them. I do love him though, honestly if they got divorced I would want to be with him. But the thing is, when this happened, he obviously is trying to work things out with her, and I wouldn't want to get in the way if he still wants his M. He thought she would call me, and he was a little worried, but I told him that I wouldn't tell her what went on between us. I am really trying hard not to break NC.
On another note, things between my BF and I are not good. It's kind of strange because I thought things would be better with MM out of the picture. I think I realize the things MM gave me that BF doesn't --- MM was the person I enjoyed talking to most in my life. I feel like BF doesn't listen to me. It's very strange that this is coming to light.
Did anyone else feel this way?
Sweetie.... you answered your own question.... time to dump the boyfriend!!! Find yourself a boyfriend that you enjoy and can talk to!!
:) smiles
Murf