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| Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:10pm |
But i think it would feel better if he was married and he dumped me. It kills me that he is single and i could have walked away and been with him. The realistic part of me knows that all i would have gave up would have been too much to handle. DD would probably never forgive me(only 3 now but who knows the effect) and im not sure i don't love dh. i have only been married 2 years. How do i know that the same thing won't happen with OM? I was head over heels for Dh when we met. We had a falling out, i freaked about getting married, he went back to his ex and then we reconciled. Ever since then things have been different.
Om is great but not perfect. So is Dh. Dh has seen me through a horrible miscarriage and some pretty rough times. Was there when we got pg and weren't married. Was there through 12 hours labor. Has always been my rock. To an extent. Om filled the void.
But who would fill the void if i was with OM? When i was with him, i felt on fire. But when i hung out with his friends anf family, i missed mine and dh's. It felt weird. There was guilt and pain. Pain because Om is such a good man and truly loved me. i loved him back but can and could not give him what he wanted.
It is hard to be in love with two people. it is even harder to have to choose. I did and i will grieve for the love lost but try to be happy for the love i have regained.
Just a tough day. Had a dream about Om with another woman and it crushed me. Hard.
thanks for all your words of support. I appreciat them more than you know. I am ready to close that chapter in my life and wish you all the best with yours.
sandy

For what it is worth I think you made the righ decision not just for your Child but for you to.
Your DH may not be perfect but he sounds pretty ok to.
Good luck to you all
F
I've been NC for over 3 months now, and before I ended my A I spent alot of time realizing that OMM was like a drug for me. When I was hurting, sad, lonely, scared...whenever times were rough and I wanted an escape from reality, BAM! it was off to be with OMM. By working a recovery program (I'm an addict) I've learned that the ONLY way to fill the void is with a higher power and spiritually. Having confidence in a power greater than yourself who is always at your side, you begin to realize that a man just ain't enough.
I think you probably did a very good thing, staying with your H. But before you begin projecting that your M will eventually not be satisfying enough and you will find yourself thinking you made a mistake, you owe it to yourself, your DD and your H to just take a look at what motivated you to get in the A to begin with. Chances are, it wasn't a shortcoming on your H's part, but a "hole" in your life. Please, look for more healthy and less harmful ways to fill that void. And above all, now that you've realized the void exists, don't just let it lie there. We humans have a tendency to fill that void with everything and anything - drugs, alcohol, shoes, chocolate, affairs, you name it. None of them are healthy, and none of them will actually fill the void. You will eventually wind up feeling the void again, and facing the consequences of your attempt to fill it with something destructive. Get at the spiritual solution to your void. It's the only sure way to fill.
Love and best of luck to you! Mo.