Need help from everyone 4 the board.
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| Mon, 03-01-2010 - 7:22pm |
Hello all,
I am not sure what to say or how to say this without ruffling some feathers...I just seen a post from Lost and it got some thoughts started in my head. The post really got me thinking and with a bunch of other posts, I think I can make some fair observations.
I just have been seeing a whole lot of posts about GREAT and DEAR HUSBANDS around here as of late. And the theme is usually the same. The post say I have a great H and he is so this and that and I am so caught up in exAP....its goes on and on. Either you have read the posts or wrote them.
I just have to say, I do not things for MW or SW have it better or worse..A's are hell either way. I can speak from both perspectives. I do however have to state that it has to be hard for newbies that are single to repeatedly hear about the amazing DH MW have....It just hard to hear when you are fresh and new and going thru the rawness of ending an A.
I am also well aware that MW have their own struggles as well.
I do not know the answer or if there needs to be one on EAS, I am just sending this out to get some feedback from everyone.
Vets...you are both S and M. You both have different experiences in some aspects but for the most part its the same....in the sense of the A anyhow.
I need to think more about this....once I get my juices flowin...I am sure I will chime in.
For now, everyone please comment, I think this might be a good thread to get some discussion reagarding this going. ...E1 mentioned something in a recent post that we should all be cognizant of what we post and how it benefits EAS as a whole. I started this thread with that spirit and regard.
Look forward to hearing from EVERYONE....including some males....that would be cool.
Disclaimer: By no means I am suggesting that you should not post your true thoughts or feelings ont EAS, afterall that is the point of this point. NO judgement, we should all be comfortable. I just think we need to be sensitive to others regardless of your personal situation.

As married women, we have our own struggles. Like not being able to grieve end of the affair (end of realtionship, end of love - or what we thought was love) out in the open. How many times I had to hide in a shower and sob there so my wonderful husband would not suspect anything. How many times I had to put on facade and pretend I am all perky when my heart was breaking in million pieces. God I wished so many times I'd be single, it would've been so much easier. Instead, I had to suffer in silence, all alone.
Being single means you can start seeing other people and sooner or later you will meet someone who will make that married jerk just fade away. Being married, you're back to the same thing that you've tried to escape in a first place by having an affair.
It's just tough. Breaking up is hard to do no matter what, whether you're single or married. It's a loss no matter how you look at it, and you have to come to terms with it. Just my humble opinion. Peace to all.
XOXO
Gone
>>"I do however have to state that it has to be hard for newbies that are single to repeatedly hear about the amazing DH MW have...."<<
Sorry...couldn't disagree with you more.
Comments and
Victory,
I specifically put in a disclaimer, not sure if you missed that...I really am not discouraging you or anyone from posting anything wonderful or positive inn your life or at home. I am about positive things. Positive posts from ANYONE.
I do appreciate your feedback But the statements I made were general and very neutral. Sorry you either did not see that or I did not make it clear. In no way was I trying to turn this into a argument where people are at it or pointing out disagreements etc....I was trying to start a discussion so that we could all get insight to both perspectives. That is it.
And I never said there was a problem on EAS, nor did I say anything about anyone walking on eggshells. And I never asked you or anyone else to feel bad or apologize for being married to a wonderful man....so I am not sure where all your comments are coming from.
Again my statements were very general and neutral. Perhaps I can be more detailed if necessary.
I stand by my post and truly sorry that you see it the way you have based on your response.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
I do not feel it fair to compare a SW's pain as being any worse than a MW's pain, nor is it fair to ask those who are married to not post certain aspects of their lives and therefore recovery in order to cushion the pain
mmmm. I'm an equal opportunity offender so I'll chime in!
I'm married. My marriage is in trouble. Duh, I'm HERE aren't I? So, it is from a married woman's perspective that I post. That said:
The board has such a broad spectrum of posters. From all backgrounds, all walks of life... so on and so forth. I think that each of the very personal, very specific and very honest tellings of each individual's experience brings value and insight to the board on a whole. Watering down the posts to be more general would, I think, negate a lot of the spontaneity and honesty of the post. Sure, I DO think that some guidelines for posting are beneficial - such as don't be a HUGE sad sack who never learns, never grows and keeps whining and asking for support and advice that's not taken. And, of course, we do expect everyone here to be an ENDER who contributes something positive and is not just a blackhole of need. After a bit, newbies are expected to pay it forward -ykwim?
I think that there are enough posters here that each of us will find and gravitate to the people and posts which speak to us. My posts are certainly helping some, offending others, coming off as snarky or rude or whatever... but I still post my shiz like I see it, and (thank golly) I have had some positive feeback. I'd like to think that we are all, in spite of or because of, our pain and experiences, grown up enough to deal with the posts that might tweek us the wrong way. For example, we don't have a lot of flame ups, do we? Nope. Occasionally, someone flames or gets flamed, but, in general, we're all so gosh-darn supportive and loving.
Also, I really don't think it's going to hurt the singles OR the marrieds to hear about the other's experiences. In fact, I think that seeing ALL sides of the human experience, as it relates to our A's, is an opportunity for growth. That is, if one is going to try to _empathize_, dig DEEP to give love and support, and not just be a self-centered baby. That's right, I said 'self-centered baby"!!!! ha. If one feels a twang of pain, one might actually, gosh, take a beat and figure out WHY. (!!) Why does hearing that hurt? Why do I feel X when I read that?
It's all about having a loving attitude in spite of your personal pain. It's about giving when you'd rather just be taking. And it's about understanding yourself through the experiences of others, and being a Big Girl (or Boy) and NOT reacting negatively when you don't "get it".
In short, Give Love or Get the Hell Off.
love you all! well, not ALL of you (but I'm keeping that to myself.) ahahahahahahahah.
xoxo
Dee
Hi Luvin,
I’m trying to figure out if your post is about what is best for the board as a whole or about one or should I say two individuals.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
You're not sure where my comments are coming from?
Comments and
Morning Luvin,
I read this post lastnight and spend the night chewing on it. I am one of those women who posted about their marriage. Do I feel bad about it? No, not one bit.I belong here just as much as a SW or SM. I do have consideration for others on this board and realize that not everyone is the same ...that being said we all have one thing in common...we hurt, we're all trying to heal. The healing journey is different for all of us but we are on it together. For me personally, I try to read all the post and hey if its about a SM or SW, obviously that doesnt apply to me so if I dont have anything to offer I move on.
This board is about support, healing, advice, friendship oh gosh so much more and if one cant be supportive and gets offended by a marriage post then either suck it up or start looking at why 'you' are so upset by the posters post.
Situations are different but...IMHO we are ALL the same
Debbra
Dm,
None of the posts upset me. Perhaps I shoulda been clear about that. I am truly happy for whomever is healing, and moving on and blessed to have good people in their lives outside of us. When I decribed the posts from MW, I did not say "blah blah blah, or the like. My words on this screen must have set off some thoughts that were never my intent, either that or after reading responses are assuming this was some type of insult to MW or something. Which I have never done to anyone on this board.
I read everyone's post and try to offer support and encouragement to anyone in need. Again, the point was to give a little insight into one anothers plight. I been here long enough and read enough to see pain either way. No one is worse off or better off etc....
I agree with several of the ladies wrote and appreciate their feedback and thoughts. It was a thread to get understanding of one another not to dissuade anyone from posting etc...
E-1,
I especially love goodwill hunting, one of my favorite movies ever. I appreciate the illustration. It was helpful and your point at the end is well taken and I will continue to do just that.
Thanks
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida