need help, not A related
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| Fri, 07-02-2010 - 7:36pm |
Hello all,
I know that is EAS and not a family law board but this def related to all of us. Most of us are mothers. I am D'd from H. He is keeping the kids despite a court order. I was supposed to have them for the holiday. He is violating our agreement for parenting time. I know all the legal ramifications. Please do not advise...I am just so upset. Its a long weekend and I can not do anything legally till Tues.
I have not been with my kids for a month. He has had them since school. They keep me busy and they are my rock. I have no other plans since I thought I would be spending the weekend with them.
I am so upset, so enraged at the ex H. I just need something to get me thru the next couple of days. I am dying inside. I am just so bitter and angry and my hands are all tied up. Nothing to do till Tues and from then it may be a long time....he threatens to not return them until school starts. He knows courts take a while.
Please, I am asking for ideas to help me thru this weekend. I can not tell you how much I need you to help me get thru this weekend. I am hurting and just need a little encouragement. Thx all.....
Luvin

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Hey Luvin, I am so very sorry for what you are going through right now. I can feel your pain and frustration and I can't imagine the feeling of helplessness you must have. I am not sure of what advice I can give, but stay strong, focus on yourself right now. YOU and only YOU. If you cannot even begin to do anything until Tues, then try to do something for yourself right now. Get out of your house, do something you enjoy, take solace in being with "yourself" right now. Reflect on the positive changes you have made for you, which will ultimately be so wonderful for your children. I actually sent you a post the other day with your name on it, but you may not have seen it...it is down the list further now. I just wanted you to know how much of an insiration you are.
This all sounds kind of simple considering what you must be feeling... but I hope it helps to know someone read your post, is thinking of you, sharing your pain and wishing you a lot of strength right now. Celebrate your "Independence" this weekend any way that you can. Huge hugs
Healing
Hi Luvin -
I'm so sorry for you. I won't ask the details, but I sure hope that you can rectify things on Tuesday. I don't know the ages of your kids, but do they have cell phones? I got both my kids phones right after my D, 6 years ago. Fortunately, my ex H doesn't pull anything, but it just gives me peace of mind to know that they can contact me anytime.
I'm sitting here alone right now too - my kids are at their dads. It's been much harder to be alone right now with this being only day 5 for me. My advice would be to keep yourself as busy as you can. Do you read? Get a good book - non self-help related. Have you ever read Chris Bohjalian? He's one of my favorite authors. I also keep busy around the house - spring clean - organize - redecorate or paint a room. I have literally changed every room in my house over the past 6 years! Do you garden? Spending time outside in the dirt is very good for the soul.
Try not to get down. Keep helping all us newbies that need to read all we can.
Bodhi
((Luvin))
Gosh, sweetie, I feel terrible for you. Don't you have any other family or good friends who you can go visit? Surely there must be someone you can hang out with one of the days to take you mind off of things, if only for an hour at a time. If there is no one, can you pour yourself into work, or make a list of movies you haven't seen and rent a ton of videos, or just hit a few movie theaters. I also love to read. You could go to the library and take out a bunch of books, either self help or my favorites, mysteries. Worse comes to worse, you could always clean your house from stem to stern or go on a wild baking spree. My mother would cook breads, cookies, and God knows what when she was pissed at daddy dearest. ;-)
I don't really have any earth shattering plans either because I have to stay out of the sun (due to the meds I'm on), but I did go and rent a bunch of movies to watch. I have a ton of yard work to do too, and fortunately my backyard is
~Iddy~
Hey beautiful lady,
I’m luvin that you have your pic up! You go grul wit your hot and sexy self!
Lemmie know if you want me to track down where Aunt Ruthie is holdin up and ask her to do an egg by on your exes’ house. Knowing Aunt Ruthie she wouldn’t leave it at that and would also hide in the bushes and confront your ex. She’s been known to use her cane like a Kettukari (a lil technique she picked up on one of her trips to India).
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Dear Luvin,
I can't add much to what has been suggested, but I did want to send you my unwavering support and love. I worked on a crisis line once, and the call that haunts me the most was from a woman whose xH wouldn't return their baby after a weekend visit. I will never forget the sound of her voice - the anguish, fear and frustration. I felt so helpless knowing that she too had to wait until the weekend passed to try and get a court order ... police not able to enforce child custody arrangements. So - all this to say, I can feel your pain. I can't imagine; really. You have got to be one of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege of 'connecting' with - I wish I could do something for you - I wish I could come and just hug you. I wonder what you are up to right now ... can you check-in and let us know what you are planning for yourself this weekend?
Please know that we are 'here' for you, so please keep us poster so that we can continue to send care your way,
((hugs))
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
I'm sorry about your situation. This will be behind you soon and you will have your kids back with you. So many great suggestions here by these wonderful, thoughtful ladies. I have taken note of them as well as I often find myself with idle time on my hands. Just know that we are thinking of you and that this too shall pass and you'll be all the more stronger for it. Keep smilin Luvin. You're a beautiful lady, inside and obviously out (we have proof of that now).
Love, AAI
Hi Luvin'- I am so so sorry. If we all lived in the same town, we could have a huge party and keep each other company. Tuesday seems a long way off right now, so focus on today. My H has class every night during the week, so I am alone every evening. Here's things that keep me busy and happy:
Movie-a-thons- hit the movie store and stock up on some really funny movies. Stay away from romantic comedies.
Book-a-thon- curl up with a good book you can get lost in. Not a book about love. May I suggest anything by Alice Sebold? The Lovely Bones was a quick and easy read- kept my mind engaged the entire time. I hate to suggest it, but if you haven't read the Twilight series, it will definitely keep your mind busy and immerse you in another world. Wicked is also a nice read.
Cleaning- not only does it make you feel good to have a clean house, but it literally cleanses the soul as well. I've purged a lot in the past 5 months and its freeing.
Cooking- find a super recipe, one that might be more complicated than you are accustomed to and cook all day long. The best part is, at the end of the day, you get to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Gardening- It's not my cup of tea, but my H planted a garden, so I find myself weeding it. It's nice to be outside, smelling the fresh air, soaking up the sun and making the garden look nice.
Running/Walking- this is a great way to expend some of that energy. I always feel so great after a nice jog.
Dancing in the living room- put on your happy music and let go.
Hope some of these help.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Hello Gang,
U guys are the best! ALL your words made things a bit better. I am not hysterical. I am calm. Still hurting but my heart is at a normal pace. I felt like he ripped it out and stuffed it back in and I was conscious the whole time. He is watching me die and enjoyed it. He was always a little demented.
But your guys sure came thru. I am following up on all your suggestions. Going to go on a pleasant walk thru the park. Get a little exercise. Then I will come home and shower, go get my nails done. Have not treated myself to that in a while. Did some housework earlier. Got 4 movies. Going to look online to see tomorrows activities are locally.
I have no fam or friends here...its all me. When I separated I moved here for a fresh new start My only friend locally is out of town.
Healing,
I am going to read your message, so sorry I missed it. Will respond ASAP.
Thanks for all the advice, encouragement. It's a holiday weekend and I know its slow. But you guys were/are still there for me. Thanks for the compliments I think I am so much better looking on the inside lately and that is way more healthier for me. U guys amaze me, as does this board. Always there to lean on. How is it that great women like you, whom we never have met, take such good care of one another, I am so thankful to all of you.
I will get to Tuesday and then handle it. Count down. I will get thru it.
I will give you an update tomorrow....but I will be posting a good part of the day.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hey Luvin'- How did the rest of your weekend go? I was thinking about you.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane,
I am way better. I did get the kids back. I can not tell you how happy they are home, the house is not the same without him. Sorry for the delayed reply. I was all ready to put on my legal cape and L on my chest but it will not be necessary. Thankfully. Everyone was great and I got them back. I wish to God that my and exH could get along for my kids. Maybe that will happen one day.
I would have liked to save my marriage if my H would get some serious help....as well as myself. He never wanted to work on our M. Me and the kids have been toughing it out tho.
Thanks for your ideas and your concern.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
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