... need to let this out!
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| Fri, 12-18-2009 - 4:36pm |
Hello Ladies
Ok Ok so I had a severe case of wanting to send him a message. I just have these feelings inside of me that I wanted to share with him but I will share the message I was about to send to you. Hope it helps :) I copied and pasted this message on here as I needed to send it. We had broken NC (a little over 2 weeks now) (well I did) and last message to him was I dont want you anymore! It is not in my nature to be so cruel! Hate that I am not being myself. I am putting on a face to him and I hate that!
Hey,
I just wanted to apologize for the last message that I had sent you. I didnt mean to come across rude. I was frustrated and I hope you understand why. Anyway, I dont want to have these hard feelings with you as I am hoping we can be civil. I dont want you to think that I dislike you in any way. We did once upon a time share great memories and I want to keep them that way! Dont want arguments in my life. Im sure that you wont respond as I dont expect you to. I really hope you are doing well and wishing you a Happy holiday! Take care of your self
Always,
XXXX

It is so like 'us' to want to apologize, make excuses, make things happy, not want them to be mad at us, etc....
I just hate that he thinks I am CRAZY. I am so hot and cold with him. I am not consistent at all. Hate that he would think that and I had this wild idea that if I try to explain he wouldnt think so. Reading your post it seems like you really do understand how and what I am feeling. Thank you!
You are so right. I will say Things to him and then I will try to smooth it over. He has no clue as to what I am actually feeling inside. I wish he did know. Not sure why??? But I am so glad that I sent you the message rather than him. At least I will get support on here. Surely not from him. Trust me when I say this.. if I sent it and now thinking a little bit more logical I wouldve been in tears right now waiting for some sort of response.
hugs 2 u :)
IBIM,
<<Trust me when I say this.. if I sent it and now thinking a little bit more logical I wouldve been in tears right now waiting for some sort of response. >>
You are asking us to trust you , but you have to trust yourself more. You did the right thing in posting your message here. That's progress and needs to be commended. So, BRAVO!
<>
And this is never going to change even if you wrote him a book. ;-) Save your words for yourself by repeating positive affirmations, and
~Iddy~
Kudos, I believe, for coming here and posting your thoughts.
Well, the first step you took is coming here and posting your e-mail and not sending it to him. Good job!
BTDT, where my xAP thought I was crazy too because my emotions would run hot and cold too. One minute I was on the phone saying "I love you" and an hour later, I'd text him how much I hate him for putting me through this.
Well... my point is that 'we' don't need to apologize for anything. By letting a dead horse rest (is that the right cliche?) you don't look so crazy. You are ready to end the affair; you have gone NC. Don't appear crazy by sending him an e-mail that is sending him mixed feelings. He gets it that you want to end the affair - no need to smooth anything over. Break ups are neither smooth or pleasant.
Doesn't matter how you ended it. You did it. Now stick to your guns and walk away. This is how you can show him you're not crazy.
Good luck!
P.s I know you're not crazy... ;)
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
I commend you on posting here and not sending him a thing....
I too draft and draft and draft. i journal...i come here...its the only way. I draft all kinds of things that pop in my mind, but they will remain, just that, drafts. just simple drafts. he will never see them, they are for me and my healing. try this, it works.....
I do feel better with not sending the message :) I need to keep my eye on the prize and that is "ME" for a change. I do have to add an update here... in another post I made.. I wished he would contact me. Well he did and I didn't respond. Careful what you wish for they say LOL. I didn't respond :) I intend not to. I swear it is all about convenience for him. I hate feeling rude by not responding. But I think about all the times I was left hanging.
My wish for everyone is to have some peace and comfort over the holidays and let ring in the NY with New Beginnings :)
Thank you again everyone <3