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| Thu, 06-03-2010 - 5:46pm |
Okay, so I am pretty sure I already know the answer, but would still love your feedback b/c ya'll tell it like it is!
Believe it or not, this is NOT about exAP. I am doing really well with that...1 week NC today! However, this is about another guy, and I am convinced this is some sort of "test". I find it odd that this guy is doing this now..but crazy how life works, eh? I suppose I should give you some background info...
This guy, who shall now be called the Fireman, has kinda been in my life for about 10 years. We used to have sex, not often, but every once in a while. However, we would talk on the phone for HOURS at a time. I always felt he was holding back with me. He was always honest with me. Very nice guy. He used to just pop into my work to say hey. We would only mess around when I was single. We would sometimes talk when I was in a relationship...but our conversations had nothing to do with sex. Just everyday things.
I was emotionally attached to him. I think he was with me too. Even after I was married, he would still pop in to say hello when I was at work, but the phone conversations ended. Then he got married. It was then I told him that we cannot talk anymore. Even though it was not cheating or an affair, because of the emotions, I knew I needed to pull back.
So, after a few years of not talking to him, I saw him driving one day so I emailed him. He emailed me back. For the last few months we just send little, "hey, how ya doing" emails. The emotion I once had, I can honestly say is not gone and I am SO happy he is married and content.
Back when the little emails started again, he said he is in my neighborhood sometimes. I was like, let me know, we will grab lunch...thinking nothing of it because I figured it would most likely not happen.
Sooooo, yesterday he emailed me. Saying he would be by my house at the store. I wrote back some stupid thing....but not saying "hey lets meet". I thought better of it b/c of the whole situation with exAP. So today he said he would be there again!
So my question to you all is A) why is he telling me he will be there instead of asking if we want to meet up. B) I really don't think this will be the beginning of something with him, but should I best avoid it? Or should I go and see what happens and if I get wrapped up, implement NC right away.
I will say, if my husband asked where I was, I would have no problem telling him who I was with or what I was doing. Or showing him any of our emails.
Thanks!

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Mayday, Mayday E1 to tower we have a pilot trying to fly plane with blinders on!
Oh dear your common sense has fallen right outta your head. Now let’s see if we can look around and find it with you. Don’t panic most of us checked our common sense at the door when we paid admission to the not-so Fun House. Most of us got stuck in the room with the mirrors. You know the oddly shaped ones which distort how we see things.
Oh wait I think I’ve found it. The rationally thinking mind is sounding right here in your post:
<<I was emotionally attached to him. I think he was with me too. Even after I was married, he would still pop in to say hello when I was at work, but the phone conversations ended. Then he got married. It was then I told him that we cannot talk anymore. Even though it was not cheating or an affair, because of the emotions, I knew I needed to pull back.>>
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
ahahahahahahahaha! and then.... ahahahhahahahahahahaha some more!!!
E1! too much.
IJM, all I could think of is that six weeks from now you'd be posting that you accidentally fell on his d*ck and.. "now what?"
E1, as usual, covered it perfectly and with sooo much more grace and aplomb than I could _ever_ muster!
Hope you're listening!
Cheers,
Dee
Thank you! I pretty much knew that I should not go to meet him. I suppose because I thought that even though the last time I saw him, I felt nothing but friendship, that it could work. I did not do the constant checking that I did with exAP. However, you are very, very right E1 and I thank you for your bluntness!
The red flag for me was when he was basically telling me "I will be in your neighborhood." He was waiting for me to be like, "Oh hey, we should meet up!". Which I did not, nor will I. That is exactly how exAP used to do it too. Never ask me....just tell me where he would be so I would run to him. Wow, reading what I just wrote...how pathetic was I???? I would run to him, NEVER the other way around.
Thanks again! I made sure to come here first to have the sense put back in my head!
IJM, all I could think of is that six weeks from now you'd be posting that you accidentally fell on his d*ck and.. "now what?"
Dee, I just laughed, coughed and peed my pants!!! Hilarious.
E1, what can anyone possibly say after reading one of your posts, except THANK YOU for sharing your insight.
~alwayst2
IJM,
Proud of you. You certainly did the right thing coming here. I know it is hard to be honest with ourselves sometimes. It's like having the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. You know the right thing even when you want to do the wrong thing. I think the key is in figuring out why we choose to do the wrong thing.
My H told me I can never have male friends again.
Moving,
I don't think you were directing that comment to me, were you? I work in a mostly male dominated field and I am involved in several volunteer organizations, one of which is extremely male dominated. I would have to lock myself up in my house (with my two female cats) if I were not allowed to have contact with men!!
Thank goodness my H is not the jealous type! Two of my BFFs are men--albiet one is gay so there is nothing to worry about there. LOL. I have been on trips with these two male friends where we have drank our faces off and revealed the raunchiest of sex stories and still nothing sexual between us. We're just plain friends. I think it is absurd in this day and age to think women cannot be friends with men.
I get my hackles up when I read things like "my H told me I can never have male friends." I'm sorry, are you five years old?? Is your H your boss? M is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Of course, I also understand the pain your H is going through right now. I hope he is able to work through it and you two are able to work on your marriage together in order to build a stronger relationship. Once you and your H get past all this hurt, he will probably ease up on the male restrictions.
Best of everything to you.
I meant to reply to itsjustme77,
Moving,
I had an A and dday almost 21 years ago and it devestated my H. Yes, it took many years to rebuild and for him to regain trust in me. I am sure it would be the same for me if the roles were reversed. Betrayal is a shocker to the betrayed.
Give your H some time. Do everything you can to show that you are trustworthy. Talk about it as much as the two of you are comfortable doing so. I promise it will get better over time.
Hang in there. ((hugs))
~alwayst2
What ever you do don't go!!!!!!
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