Need re-assurance
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 09-11-2004 - 12:17pm |
Here goes, this might be a little long, so please bear with me. I am the OW and this is the only A I've ever had. I am having a hard time living with myself and I've decided to end the physical relationship. The MM and I work together, fairly closely. I don't think that this will be a problem, because when we started this A, a little over a year ago, he always said that when it was over, for me to let him down gently. He is older than me, I'm 26 and he's 40. I am ending it because I don't want to get hurt, I'm falling in love with him and I know that that will only lead to my heartache.
MM is completely unhappy in his marriage and we talk about that quite often. I have talked to MM many times about feeling guilty and uneasy about what we were doing and understood. I'm hoping that will make this easier. We had an excellent friendship prior to any physical relationship and I want that back. Knowing MM the way I do, I think things will be ok. I was not made to be the OW.
Thank you for listening and any advice or insight is greatly appreciated.
Edited 9/11/2004 10:02 pm ET ET by lizzie24601
Edited 9/12/2004 7:41 pm ET ET by lizzie24601

Pages
Lily has it right on the money.
Forgiveness is a DECISION whether your forgiving someone else or yourself, As strange as this may seem sometimes you need to forgive the OP to be able to forgive yourself and move on. Forgiveness can allow you to forget and move on in life.
Free
Anyway, I don't think I would have made it through this weekend without you guys and all of your supportive advice and encouragement. I really appreciate it. If you think of anything else that might help me, please let me know. Again, very grateful to you all.
lizzie
Things between us (me and xMM) were fairly normal today. He is out of the office most of the day (everyday) anyway, he's there early in the morning and late afternoons and it seemed to go pretty well. I just hope it stays that way.
Anyway, I just thought I would let you all know how it went today. I appreciate all of your support and kind words. I don't think I would have been able to get through this without you all.
Love,
lizzie
work contact yes - personal contact no!
NC rules!
I'm 18 mos. affair free and have never been happier in my life. there is a better life out there for you too. If I can say that at 45, just think of all the cool stuff you have ahead of you!
I guess we all have to remember that it's a process, you can only make yourself a better person & make your life one you can be proud of, from this day forward. keep on keeping on.
Believe me, I loved the attention and affection and intimacy (but I think part of it was that I have never had anyone treat me that way or sy those things to me, ever). It is completely a "using" relationship. He was using me to get away from his W and I was using him of the attention and affection I thought I needed from a man. Looking at it that way made it a little easier for me to move on and realize I was doing the right thing and for the right reasons.
I don't think I can say this enough, but without this board, I don't know where I would be right now and I don't think I could have made any of the realizations above, so thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
lizzie
I read the posts here & started posting & learned SO much. Mostly how similar our stories are. We all want love & we deserve it. We just deserve the real thing & not some fake copy.
Honestly, it was April of the next year before I ended it for good and all. But I never looked back & I have never been happier. I have found real love & it may not last forever but I know it's at least a thousand times better than the affair. It's real & sometimes it's hard but it grows & changes & I'm part of his whole life & he's part of my whole life. It's SO much better because it's not fake.
So hang in there. Forgive yourself & give yourself time to heal. stick around here as long as you need to -- you'll come to a point where it feels like it's time to move on. I did after a year. some get there quicker. I still check in from time to time to encourage everyone. It can be done & life WILL be better. You'll get there.
Pages