KS! I have only 30 minutes to get out a report so I am being very naughty to be on EAS right now. I would write something really, really stunning, pithy and wise, but I just don't have time. ;) So, do this!!!
EMPLOY THE 48 HOUR RULE!!!!! 48 HOURS OF DOING NOTHING!!!!!
(I'll get back to you before then, of course.)
In the meantime, I trust the other sisters will hit you up. xoxoxo Dee
"He won't heal your pain because he was the one who caused it in the first place."
WOW!!!! That hit me like a ton of bricks!!!! How true that statements is!!
Gone, you need to sign all of your posts with that quote!!!!! Thank you for sharing that reminder, I needed it. Sometimes I start to think that he would be the one to make me happy because i miss him so much but you made me see thats not the case. It never will be!!
The thing is, while you are dying to reach out to be with him he is with his W probably reconnecting. Why would you want to interfere with a M again? He has another love interest that he is focusing on (rightfully so) and you are pining away for him. Doesn't make a lot of sense. Start telling yourself that you are interfering with someone else's M and stay out of it. Not trying to be harsh just trying to make you see through your thick fog. He is not contacting you because he has an entire life without you. Maybe he is even trying to live a honest and respectable life for a change. Being deceitful really is messed up, and hiding, sneaking and lying to your spouse is a coward act.
You did a wise thing yesterday to come here to hold yourself accountable to the sisters -- being open and honest about your vulnerabilities instead of fronting with false bravado. I hope it served you well.
You left one option off of your list of scenarios if you caved and contacted X; it was: he wants you and the A back. Of the options you listed... rejection, humiliation... THIS result would be the worst, by far. Did you ever consider that? Even if his response was nothing more than a friendly 'hi' and whatnot... what would that mean to you and how would that effect your healing and progress? What could this man possibly say to you that would do _anything_ besides cut you off at the knees and send you even further down the rabbit hole? Nada. Nothing. Zip!!!!!
You said one thing that upset me greatly. You said you were "dying without him". Did you mean that? Were you 'living' with him?? Do you still see having him in your life as more desirable than having him out of it? What is it you REALLY want here? It's NOT about Xap, I'd bet my house on it. KS, I have a lot of questions. Howzabout you fill us in on what is really at the bottom of why you are tempted to reconnect with X?
Looking forward to hearing from you and hope you know that we all have your back in this! xoxoxo Dee
Hi KS- How are you doing today? The best thing I've ever done for myself on this journey is intiate the 48-hour rule. It has taught me patience. It has proven that I am strong enough to sit with the emotion and deal with it. I believe we will have these bad moments from time to time even as we get farther away from the A. They are not setbacks, rather opportunities to help level set us and confront the issues at hand... on our own. It helps prove that WE can do it and don't need them. You are not dying... you aren't. You are just now starting to live. What you are feeling is completely natural, but it will pass if you let it.
You're only going to hurt yourself. Don't do it. He won't heal your pain because he was the one who caused it in the first place. Stay strong.
Love,
Gone
"Why would I blow 55 days of no contact when all it will do is lead me to more heartbreak?? How stupid is that?"
Keep Swimming --- answer your questions for us. Why would you? How stupid would that be?
By contacting him you will most certainly disappoint yourself ... you are the one that lives with the consequences of your actions, not us.
Keepswimming? ... Keep freaking swimming!
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
KS!
I have only 30 minutes to get out a report so I am being very naughty to be on EAS right now. I would write something really, really stunning, pithy and wise, but I just don't have time. ;) So, do this!!!
EMPLOY THE 48 HOUR RULE!!!!! 48 HOURS OF DOING NOTHING!!!!!
(I'll get back to you before then, of course.)
In the meantime, I trust the other sisters will hit you up.
xoxoxo
Dee
"He won't heal your pain because he was the one who caused it in the first place."
WOW!!!! That hit me like a ton of bricks!!!! How true that statements is!!
Gone, you need to sign all of your posts with that quote!!!!! Thank you for sharing that reminder, I needed it. Sometimes I start to think that he would be the one to make me happy because i miss him so much but you made me see thats not the case. It never will be!!
GMLB
Dear Keep,
If being hurt again would make you say ENOUGH! then go contact your xap but can you take another hurt having so many?
KS,
how are you doing this morning?
You did a wise thing yesterday to come here to hold yourself accountable to the sisters -- being open and honest about your vulnerabilities instead of fronting with false bravado. I hope it served you well.
You left one option off of your list of scenarios if you caved and contacted X; it was: he wants you and the A back. Of the options you listed... rejection, humiliation... THIS result would be the worst, by far. Did you ever consider that? Even if his response was nothing more than a friendly 'hi' and whatnot... what would that mean to you and how would that effect your healing and progress? What could this man possibly say to you that would do _anything_ besides cut you off at the knees and send you even further down the rabbit hole? Nada. Nothing. Zip!!!!!
You said one thing that upset me greatly. You said you were "dying without him". Did you mean that? Were you 'living' with him?? Do you still see having him in your life as more desirable than having him out of it? What is it you REALLY want here? It's NOT about Xap, I'd bet my house on it. KS, I have a lot of questions. Howzabout you fill us in on what is really at the bottom of why you are tempted to reconnect with X?
Looking forward to hearing from you and hope you know that we all have your back in this!
xoxoxo
Dee
Thank you, GMLB. I don't know how to make a signature here, but if someone would explain, I would.
I personally have no problem maintaining NC because I repeat this same phrase to myself. My personal struggle is LC. Oh well.
Hi KS- How are you doing today? The best thing I've ever done for myself on this journey is intiate the 48-hour rule. It has taught me patience. It has proven that I am strong enough to sit with the emotion and deal with it. I believe we will have these bad moments from time to time even as we get farther away from the A. They are not setbacks, rather opportunities to help level set us and confront the issues at hand... on our own. It helps prove that WE can do it and don't need them. You are not dying... you aren't. You are just now starting to live. What you are feeling is completely natural, but it will pass if you let it.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/