need some advice
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need some advice
| Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:29am |
I have posted before. I am going through a divorce, so my emotions are very raw. My ex-OM, whom I have never gotten over, has also been divorced and he is dating. We work together. I am trying so hard not to have too much contact with him until my divorce is over. I am trying to keep my head straight. It is hard. My ex-OM doesn't want to get mixed up in my divorce and I understand that. My husband found out about our past EMA and called ex-OM last month and threatened to beat him up. Ex-OM wasn't afraid. He layed low for a few days, but he has started to come around me again. He still comes around enough to talk to me and goes to great lengths to get my attention. I know he senses that I have really been down lately due to the divorce. He does little things to try and cheer me up. He talks to me and comes around, just not real close, and he usually only comes around if there are other people around. Our EMA was 4 years ago and it was very intense. We were very much in love. I told OM last year that I would get a divorce but I never did. I am finally doing it now. I am trying so hard to focus om ME right now, but it is always in the back of my mind wondering if OM still loves me and if we have a chance at a future. He has asked me once if my divorce was final yet and I told him no. He doesn't really want to discuss anything with me until I am free. Any words of wisdom would help me right now. I am trying so hard to stay straight, but naturally, I wonder if he still cares.

Your xOM cares enough and respects you enough to not be willing to be involved with you until AFTER your divorce is finished.
Whatever you need to do and the issues you face for ending your marriage need to be your focus.
Once the divorce is finalized you will be single and available for relationships with other single men. I suggest you stay on that path. Ultimately you may end up with xOM. Maybe not. In the meantime you do him and yourself a disservice by not focusing on the divorce and closure.
I speak from personal experience about the xOM/xOW. I am currently married to my last xOW. I approached her after the divorce. It can be done. Whether it is the path for you remains to be seen. Both of you being single and being objective about your life expectations going forward is required....
Good luck and stay steady,
cl-nre