Need some advice please
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Need some advice please
| Sat, 10-23-2010 - 9:33am |
I am mired in this bargaining stage right now. I keep building little scenarios in my head where I can see him again, give it

((((Always))))
As long as you are committed to not breaking NC, you need do whatever feels best for you. When I am dealing with these thoughts, I meditate and picture a string going in one ear, through my brain and out the other ear. Let the thoughts come in on the string, move through you and out the other side :) It really works. Another thing I do is allow myself to think about one thing at a time. I know how you are feeling right now - it's like the thoughts are coming so fast you don't have time to dodge each one. Choose a thought, process it and move on. Remember to knock that man off the pedestal too. Keep it real :)
Bodhi
Alwayst,
The bargaining stage is one most of us go through and NEED to deal with.
I am trying. I will be strong. I am already sick of my whiny self and wondering what the hell I'm even bargaining for. To go back to that toxic mess so I can further degrade myself and feel like a two dollar whore afterward? Doesn't really sound like such a great bargain afterall.
I am getting through all this in a much better manner than my previous attempts. The light is different this time. Many of the same feelings of needing validation and escape still linger, but I recognize that those are my issues and xAP really plays no part in it, other than he provided the thrill and the penis. Blunt and perhaps a little crude, but it's the truth. We used each other.
I am reading, reading, reading....I am leaning on vets and near vets ( :) ) to help me through some of these feelings that I'm honestly trying to assess rather than avoid.
I know that it will get better, that I will get better. I also know that it will take a little time. I am willing to be patient.
Much gratitude and hugs,
~alwayst2
I think you are struggling with some residual "feel goods" and also knowing and recognizing you are committed to ending the affair. Trying to work through this is tough and often left me very angry with not only xAP, but myself. Time heals most wounds (not all !) but through NC and time, you eventually understand your behavior. And with a better understanding, the less you think about xAP and the focus is on yourself.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Thank you, TU, for putting so much thought and your own experience into your reply. I am holding onto each one of you very tightly. I can't believe this is only day 13 NC for me. In some ways, I feel much stronger and that I should have much more time than that under my belt!!! In other ways, I feel like a brand new newbie.
When I am "bargaining" or thinking of him, I am not thinking of a life with him. I am 99% of the time thinking about the sex and how I felt so desired by him. I don't feel that way with H. Sex with H is okay, but not grand. I don't want to get into that whole discussion because I know it's been deemed inappropriate for this board (which I can't understand since my guess is that it is a huge issue for many of the women here.) Anyways, that's what I think about most of the time.
But I have come back completely humbled and willing to take all the necessary steps to get over this, so I have now committed to spending only about
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I understand that feeling. It wasn't the actual sex, it was the feelings and emotional highs I got from being close to xAP, sharing things, sharing my life. We have to get out of the fog to recognize it's the feel goods that keeps us going back for more.