Need some feedback

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Need some feedback
5
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 3:29pm
I am still around. I am waiting for my divorce to be final. I am trying not to put too much thought on how my ex-OM is acting right now, but I would like some opinions anyway. My ex-OM and I were in an EMA 6 years ago. It lasted 2 years, so it has been over for 4 years. It ended because we were both married and it couldn't go anywhere, plus we are of different races and our families will not accept that. It was mostly an emotional EMA(we were intimate only twice), very intense and very passionate and we did love each other very much. Ex-OM ended up divorced a year after our EMA ended. His wife left him for someone else. Ex-OM has been dating and has a steady girlfriend at the moment. I am now going through a divorce. I have never lost contact with ex-OM. We work together. I have never stopped loving him. I want a future with him someday. He knows this. We have discussed it over the years, but never anything definite. I started telling him last year that I would leave my husband to be with him. I told him this for a year before I finally did it. I know that he didn't believe that I would do it because he told me so. When I finally did leave, he was very surprised. My husband also found out about our EMA and called ex-OM a couple of months ago and threatened to beat him up. I just knew that ex-OM would never speak to me again, but he was actually very good about it all and hasn't let it bother him. I called him last month just to talk and he wanted to know if my divorce was final yet. When I told him no, he changed the subject quickly. I asked him did we have a chance at a future and he said that he didn't know. He doesn't want to talk about it until I am divorced and he doesn't want to get in the middle of my divorce. He always manages to come in the same general area that I am in at work, but he only comes around me and talks to me for business reasons, and he always makes sure there are other people around. He doesn't call me like he used to and he tries to avoid talking to me on the phone. His behavior confuses me. I am just wondering if there are really any feelings still there for me or is he just stringing me along for his ego? Also, out of all of the people that I told that I was getting a divorce, he is the only one that didn't say anything or tell me not to get a divorce. Everyone else told me to try and make the marriage work and not to get a divorce. Ex-OM didn't say anything one way or the other. He just kept quiet. Ex-OM acts like he enjoys being around me in a group, but then again he keeps our conversations business and he is steadily dating other people. Can anyone give me any insight? Are there still some hidden feelings for me or is he stringing me along for his ego?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 3:39pm
Let me also add that ex-OM has been married and divorced twice. The first wife was young when they married and she left him basicly because she wasn't ready to be married. The second wife left him for another man. Ex-OM and wife #2 met at work and began an EMA(just like he and I did) and then she left her husband and married OM. A few years later she left OM for another man. So OM has been burned pretty badly and he told me that he would nevet get involved again with another married womam, which I understand completely. Does any of this have anything to do with why he won't discuss a relationship with me until I am divorced?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 3:47am
I'm sure his past experience does have a lot to do with it, as well as the fact that your husband told him he'd beat him up! He sounds like a very wonderful man who is waiting patiently for you and cares a lot about you. His actions really seem to indicate that he wants to do this relationship w/you right and is being honorable waiting until you are really available. That's just my opinion given the facts you've stated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:43am
Bumping up for more feedback
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:47am

South

I expect there is a mixture of both feelings and ego involved, but he is dating and my not want to go exclusive if he is getting a lot of interest from different women.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:56am
I suspect many things are playing a role in the way he is acting. He may not want to get burned again with another married woman. He may be the type that doesn't really want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either. I doubt he is scared he will get beat up but he may not like that situaion (baggage-ex husband). Once your divorce is final I would sit him down and confront him with your feelings. Get it all out so you know whether or not you can move with or without him. I have been getting advice to take 6 months to be by myself should I get divorced before I jump into another relationship. I don't seem capable of following the advice but it might help you. good luck