Need some good advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Need some good advice
4
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:59pm
I'll try to make this as short as possible. I used to be a regular poster on this board, but I haven't visited in awhile. Now I am back. OM and I became fast friends 6 years ago. We work together. We were both married at the time and both had families. We are also of different races, so we never intended on being anything more than friends because we live in the south and both were raised to believe that races do not mix. Neither of us were happy in our marriages, which is why we became fast friends and started to talk. We fell for each other fast and hard. We ended up in a very deep emotional affair. We ended up being intimate twice and then OM wanted to end the intimacy part because he said it made everything too hard. We continued to be friends and our emotional relationship became even stronger and deeper. This lasted for close to 2 years. I was happy without the intimacy. I just wanted OM in my life. We both confessed our love for one another and the bond between us just deepened. OM eventually started to back away because he was so overwhelmed by everything. Of course I was devastated and didn't understand why at the time that he was backing away. I understand now. OM's marriage continued to crumble. He stayed away from me and tried to make it work. His wife was already seeing another man and eventually she left the marriage to be with the other man. This was my OM's second marriage, so now he has been divorced twice. In the meantime, my marriage of 24 years has crumbled to nothing, for various reasons. I have stayed to get the kids raised and now they are all grown. I have never been able to get OM out of my heart. I still see him everyday at work and I am ready to leave my marriage and put it behind me. I want a chance at a life with OM. I know that he still loves me and I love him. He tries to keep our relationship "business only" and he told me that he didn't want to be involved with me again as long as I remained married. I understand his reason completely. I want to be with him now. I am sure of this. I gave my marriage a chance. The only thing that held it together for this long was my love for my kids and wanting to get them raised. No one ever found out about OM and me and now I am glad because it could have turned into a mess. He was the one that had sense enough to stay away from me. I would have gladly continued the affair. OM is still divorced and dating. My husband and I have discussed a divorce and he knows that I want out. He knows nothing about OM. It has been about 4 years now since OM and I were involved. I am not worried any more about the racial difference or what people think. I want to be with him. If my family disowns me, then so be it. All I know is that I love OM. I have never stopped loving him and the last 4 years have been hell on me not being able to be with him. Now I am ready for that. I am ready to be with him. He knows that there have been problems in my marriage and he knows that i want out of it. Now, how do I tell him that I want a chance to be with him? How do I bring the subject up after all this time and how do I ask him if he wants the same things that I want? I'm just a little nervous and don't really know how to approach him with the subject. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 5:11pm
how to approach him --- with signed and sealed divorce papers in your hand and not before.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 5:33pm
Wow, what good advice and straight to the point. Please tell me, mefreenow, can I not just ask him if we have a chance at all at a future? Knowing him how I do, I have a feeling that he will say he doesn't know. I figure that he will tell me to come and talk to him when I have the divorce papers. What are yout thoughts on this theory?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:56pm
South.

I think that he has already layed down the minimum that he requires and that is for you to be divorced BEFORE CALLING HIM, I agree with you on your theory by the way.

If your going to get a divorce do it for YOU because you have to do it for your own happyness not in the expectation that it will get you this man.

Good luck

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:32pm

Interesting post.

Love