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| Sat, 10-03-2009 - 9:55am |
I just wanted to give a little update to all of you who replied to my last post about D-day.
| Sat, 10-03-2009 - 9:55am |
I just wanted to give a little update to all of you who replied to my last post about D-day.
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FMH,
I am so sorry for you. And, you WILL survive this time. There is nothing anyone can do to convince you of that now, but do know that you are not alone. (And, before you read more--go get something to eat--a bowl of oatmeal or a spoonful of peanut butter with a cup of tea, okay?!!)
I had a similar D-Day when xMM's W also hired PIs (they followed us around for about 2 months before she said anything!!). And, xMM also was afraid he would lose his kids. I don't know your situation, but today no one loses their kids in a D unless they are abusing them and can't provide a safe environment for them. Clearly your MM and his W have a lot to work out for their kids and it is their choice if they decide to stay together or not.
That said, you do have a lot on your plate. And, remember that even though it was painful, you ended your A once and you can do it again!
fmh
i responded to your last post whereby i told you that just this exact same thing would happen.
you sound as if you don't want to end the A. you sound that being 'alone' is more important to you than your own living and your own happiness.
CL-Lovely Starr
"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h
the advantage to your situation is that you have discovered where the rubber meets the road in a matter of hours- not weeks or years.
CL-Lovely Starr
"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h
I hope you read the words of CL and the other poster very carefully.
Life -
I am struggling here because
Hi sweetie, I am sorry you are in this situation.
I think the most important thing you need to do right now is to separate your divorce situation from your relationship with your (x)AP. Both of these are major life changes that will profoundly affect you so you need to step back and do some serious introspection in order to make sure you are doing what is best for YOU.
Seems like your AP is in a lot of pain and not thinking straight these days; my advice would be to stay away so you don't get hurt in the process. His W can't take his kids away from him; if he was smart he would see a divorce lawyer ASAP. Doesn't seem like he wants to get a divorce, though, since he's back with his W.
Honestly, you really need to think about his actions here - how much of a giant, wishy-washy roller-coaster ride can you take before it breaks you. He really isn't considering you in all of this, obviously. And life is too short to waste it on someone that doesn't put you first. If he put you and your relationship first, he'd have gone to see a good divorce lawyer instead of running home with his tail between his legs and letting his W walk all over him.
YOU need a break from all this drama; you have your own marital situation to deal with. A successful divorce is not easy and that's what you need to be focusing on right now. If it was meant to be with (x)AP it will work out in time, but for now you need to STAY AWAY from his drama and concentrate on getting some closure on your marriage. Big hugs.
Good luck and wishing you strength,
trixie xo
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Hang on a minute. I don't agree that staying in a marriage at all costs is the popular opinion on this board. It's certainly not mine and I have been happily divorced for 5 years (I was also an OW, a WS and a BS).
I also don't agree that all affairs should end up with the affair partners together. Affairs take hold in dysfunctional unhealthy conditions that are not conducive to a good real-life relationship. There are of course exceptions to this rule but they remain EXCEPTIONS. This board's purpose is to offer support to the vast majority of those who would be much better off ending their affairs. Whether or not they decide to rebuild their marriages is their personal choice.
trixie
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