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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 10:29am |
I posted something similar on the AB because I don't know what is going on.
Originally, my MM (I'm S) was seperated, then went back to W for a number of reasons (happiness not being one of them). When he went back, we had an A for about a month, then he moved out again and filed.
That lasted a month and last week he said that he is hurt, depressed and confused. He said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and that it's best for the both of us to "let go" until everything is said and done. He didn't say if he was going back to her, but I've seen his weakness and I'm sure he will. I asked him and he said he is so scared of losing her and everything he has w/her. I explained to him, coming from someone who went through the same feelings, I didn't want to "lose" everything either when I went through a D. For me, it was even scarier since I had two small children, but I told him that it would be worse to be there miserable. At another point he mentioned that he still has a bit of hope that maybe she might "change for the better"!! I should of known at that point to just give up. He's emotions have been like a yo-yo and I could of avoided this pain.
It's only been two days NC and I feel as if it's been years!!! I love him dearly and can't understand why we can't be together. Part of me feels stupid for missing him so much, obviously he is fine w/out any contact with me and meanwhile, I'm going insane.
In the meantime, how do I get rid of this horrid hope? That little part of me that thinks, maybe, just maybe, he'll actually get a D and come back to me someday? How pathetic is that??
Also, please, please, please help me get through this day so that I don't pick up that phone or even worse, go visit him!!!!
I'm angry, hurt, ashamed, depressed and feel utterly alone right now. I know all of you will say that it will get easier and I'm sure it will, but right now, I feel absolutely TERRIBLE!!
Geez, I know I'm ramblin, I'm sorry, I just feel so confused right now.
Brokenhearted!!
Doves

doves,
hangs in there, dont know what to say but i am feeling the same way, i too am single and OW ended our relationship, im devastated i cant even work at all
we work together so im very anxious to go to work and i dont know what to do at all
max
I hear you max! I just responded to your post as well.
Just want you to know, your not alone in this and time will help us heal. At least I pray that it will. I can't stand another second of thinking about him and wanting him.
It's driving me insane, but I have to be strone.
Thanks again.
Doves