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| Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:18pm |
I am married with a toddler and I have been having an affair with my boss, who is also married with two small children. We started as friends and we have been having an affair for five years. Recently, we finally had sex, before that it was everything but.
In any case, we hang out on weekends with our families, etc. It's very involved. We never discussed leaving our spouses and w never really discussed feelings or issues either. Last week I asked him why he didn't kiss me more,well I guess that freaked him out and basically said he wanted to end things. Which after a week of talking and talking and trying to figure out what to do, who to be friends without all the other stuff.
Now he wants us to just be friends and give us a week a two without all the physical stuff to cloud our judgment. Of course, I should be happy but I am not. I am terrified that its the end. That we will never have

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I have started therapy again. It's funny when this first started 4 years ago, I started therapy, and then we broke up. I started therapy again and its over again. Therapy helps for sure. I also have zero friends, he is my only friend, on and off work. I have started to open up to old friends and this board really helps.
I have to figure out why I think I deserve to be treated so poorly, which by the way, the affair was not hugs and kisses. he never told me I felt good, I was beautiful. NOTHING. It was very sick situation. I sometimes do think it was very emotionally abusive and controlling.
I have wondered for 4 years why I have done this to myself. When I got pregant I thought he would leave me alone and he didn't. When his wife got pregnant I thought he would leave me alone and he didn't. I know I sound like a pathetic person, that it was all up to him, but its true, its always been about him.
Please listen to what these ladies have said to you. You need to read, read, read....please read the healing library. Please read the thread about dday's.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hello HC and welcome!
The advice just given to you here has been great...please read and re-read it!
I have wondered for 4 years why I have done this to myself. When I got pregant I thought he would leave me alone and he didn't. When his wife got pregnant I thought he would leave me alone and he didn't. I know I sound like a pathetic person, that it was all up to him, but its true, its always been about him.
HC, he is an arrogant pig!
Please do not give him the satisfaction of feeding his ego, it is by no means about him, it is about YOU. You have to take back control of your life, just because he may be your superior in a work environment, does not mean he is entitled to your life on a platter.
Yes, I have serious issues. Most people start an A because they want affection or something to that nature. I got myself into this odd power play of unemotional sex or mechanical or cold. I am not sure how to describe it. He liked it that way for years. Yes, he is a pig, and I have serious self worth issues to put myself in that situation. My life is good, I never wanted him as a husband. I have a great job, great kid, great husband, I am actually funny, and men generally don't even approach me.
So when I stood there today crying in his office that I hated him I hated myself for showing him my pain again and then I regretted it and apologized. What kills me about the friendship card that he always plays, is that was he my friend? Did I get too emotional and attached? But then he tells me that he depends on me for so much, yet he breaks it off out of the blue because its become too much for him? Really? I want to say f you. All of the sudden you worry about guilt and getting caught? Coward.
I need to stop focusing on why why why and figuring him out. he is selfish and I am an ego maniac with no self worth and its a toxic.
someone earlier mentioned that my child needs me. And he does need me. I have to be honest and it kills me to say this but I have been in a fog for years. He is at an age that he can totally tell that his mom is sad and I dont want that for him. He does not deserve that. My issues can't become his issues. I want to be
Hi HC,
I have young children too, and agree with you that they are our first and foremost priority, we need to be there for them mentally, not just physically.
I am grateful that no one is judging me
We cannot judge you, that would be like the pot calling the kettle black, we all committed this destructive behaviour, we are all broken people wanting to heal and live honourable lives. As Iddy first told me, and it meant so much to me, 'You are not a bad person, you made a bad choice in your life', always remember that.
V888
xxxx
Read the LC thread in the healing library.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
I never thought of the difference between a bad choice and a bad person. I am not a bad person, why do I continue to punish myself as though I deserve it. I am actually looking forward to Monday. I will walk in with a sense of pride and try to hold on to it as long as I can. I can always give post here if I start getting weak.
I will stay strong and be grateful that he called it off. I will not be sad that something so toxic is over. I am sure he expects another week of drama and tears but I will not give him anything more. I believe that my A was like an abusive relationship, there is nothing about it that I will miss. I did not like how he treated me and no matter how much I tried it did not change. It's hard for me to figure out why I would be in an A with a jerk when I have the sweetest husband at home. I don't have the answers for that and it worries me. I kind of hate that man. I hate his calm demenor and lack of emotion. I hate that he walks around and women swoon at him. I used to think that I was not good enough for him and that is why he treated me poorly or didnt show me affection. That if he had an A with someone else it would be different. He really did a number on me. Reading my posts is actually making me so sad.
TU always says it best! So true.
Hardlycoping, yes it is hard, yes it sucks, but save yourself and your family. You have the choice now to end the A madness, take it.
Welcome to EAS.
Hugs
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