Need to talk....okay????

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Need to talk....okay????
12
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 10:09pm

Even if no one replies to this post, that's ok...I have to get this off of my chest.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 10:22pm

Welcome Beach -

Most definitely do NOT contact XAP's daughter. If you have been lurking here, you know that it's up to you to close all doors on communication. I understand not having control over him calling your office, but is there a reason you don't have him blocked from your cell? How long has it been since you talked to him last and told him it was over and not to contact you? Most XAP's will fish, and he wants more than to be your friend - you said it yourself, he would have kept you as his ****buddy forever. Block him in every single way possible. No contact is the only way - and he will eventually stop. Again, don't drag his daughter into the situation. You have NO idea what the fallout might be.

Bohdi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 10:46pm
Maybe I missed something in your post...but why oh why oh why would you ever contact this man's daughter? She has nothing to do with this...I am assuming this is his adult daughter. And even then, can not imagine why you would EVER contact exAp's children. As much as I have had an avid fisher, I would never contact innocent people, not even exAp's wife. Block him...that is all. If he can not get to you then no worries.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 11:50pm

Hi Beach,


I was going to do your initials but it didn’t look right so hope you don’t mind me calling you Beach for short.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 5:36am

Bohdi, it was about 1 month ago that I once again told him that I have moved on and that He needs to do the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 5:39am

luvin...I thought of contacting his daughter as a firm way of letting him to know to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:19am

Can you explain more about what he is doing and how he is not letting go?


empowerment1.....he keeps trying to hold onto what once was.....our affair. He says that we can still be best friends and he just needs to have some sort of contct with me, just to know that I am fine and so I will not forget him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 9:32am
" No he won;t let go....." Obsession ! Your ex AP is obsessed with you.You might need a restraining order soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 10:22am

Beach,
I think that you need to do to completely Block and Walk, as in calling your cell company and figuring out how to avoid calls at work. I know that you are anxious and angry about X contacting you, but it's very important that you do not over-react by breaking NC, and certainly NOT by contacting his daughter or anyone else. IMO, there is no justification for bringing his daughter into this scenario, and even if there were (as in you have justified that there is), it would be 100% counter-productive to your goal of getting him to leave you alone. If you want to make the situation intolerable to the point that you actually DO need a restraining order (which it is NOT now), then email his kid on facebook and watch the proverbial sh*t hit the industrial sized fan.

I'm glad you came here with your thoughts to work them out before you took any action. I hope it's helpful to you.

Best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 11:56am

Hi beach,

Part of your situation with your xAP sounds like my xAP.
He wanted to stay in my life, as he said, as friends. He
insisted it was not to "keep the door open" (as we here on EAS call it) but he wanted to just keep in touch and know I was fine.
IMHO, I saw that as an ego trip and xAP winning his game.
I think sometimes these xAP's just want to stay in the shadows of our lives just to prove something. They continue to want to control the relationship, even as a reduced contact one. Their ego cannot allow them to see total NC is needed for the AP partner to heal and move on, they don't truly care, don't understand because it's all about them, their ego, their motivation.
Best of luck to you Beach.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:42pm

Hi Beach- Welcome to EAS. Since you've been lurking here, you know that the best way to send a clear message is to block and walk. And that means block him on your cell phone, email, everything. Call your cell provider now and get it blocked. It may cost a small amt, but it will be worth it for your peace of mind. I am sorry you are going through this.


Hugs.


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/

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