Need your 2 cents on his response...
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| Fri, 09-17-2004 - 9:43am |
So I was going through my emails from him trying to delete them all...this was his response to me being psycho one day saying he never loved me and he just used me. He had recently told me that he was no longer in love with me which made me go sideways! This was his response to me from one of my emails. I asked him to give me the truth and this is what he said. What do you all think? Just curious to get an outsiders perspective on his response to shed some light on this and help me move on. I know you will all be brutally honest...
HIS RESPONSE TO MY REQUEST FOR THE TRUTH:
"You make it sound as though I took advantage of you. Do you truly believe if I only wanted to have sex with you I would have let you into my life, created a strong friendship, relied and trusted you as my friend just to have sex. Dont you think that seems a bit complicating.
The truth:
We met, we became friends, our friendship turned into love and intimacy. We both knew it wasnt right and would have to come to an end at some point. We decided we were ready. Here's the problem. I followed throught and you havent. I am trying to move on and you wont or cant. You remain unhappy as if I broke up with you or something. For that reason you have anger and animosity towards me. Your angry with me because I dont feel the same as you do. And somehow I am to blame for all of this. Thats the truth. Accept it or expell it. Your decision."

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Cold enough to make we want to put on a winter coat. Cold anger may be a better word.
No question it means don't go away angry just go away period.
For him it is over and he is not going back, this is all the closure your going to get, and in his nasty way he has done you a favor.
Your not going to get satisfaction from him so you would be better off trying to find it in yourself your marriage and son.
What steps are you taking to address the reason you let the affair happen???
JMHO
Free
So you want my opinion? My brutally honest opinion? He's being way overly rational, approaching this without an ounce of emotion and expecting you to do the same. I agree with the previous poster, take him at his word. He's done. If this is his final word on the subject, I wouldn't even put myself in the position of asking for any more feeling from him if I were you. You'd be setting yourself up for more pain.
Wow. Reminds of that song that was out 5 or 6 years ago, "maybe you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive." Love and big hugs, Mo.
There is never any closure in affairs, only an opening that consists of a revolving door leading to a long narrow- minded hallway. At the end of this hall is a LARGE steel door that wears a very large sign that says "KEEP OUT." Somewhere written in fine print at the very bottom it says, "Entrance may cause permanent emotional and bodily harm." It's amazing how many of us can see it, but rose colored glasses do block it out.
BUT, this revolving door also spins back to reality if a person is smart to continue full circle and get out of the spin. When we mistakenly choose to walk down that hallway and open that ominous door, we stupidly cross the threshold of common sense and leave our intregrity at the door.
For all of us who have been able to escape from this closet of lies with minimal damage, count your ever-loving-blessings. But now.....PLEASE, Get out, stay out and BE STRONG.
My best to you,
~True~
"I don't love you anymore"...I heard...I have to say that to you so you can move on but I am really hurting and I do still love you.
Sometimes having someone else's perspective sheds the right amount of light to realize that I continue to see things with rose colored glasses. I am always reading into evertyhing, analysing it, thinking there is more to it. Funny thing is, is that his words are right. Direct and harsh but accurate.
Ok so your brutal honesty hurt a bit. I read what you said and just wanted to cry. There is nothing to read into here. He is saying exactly what you wrote. (((No question it means don't go away angry just go away period.)))
You ask another good question...(((What steps are you taking to address the reason you let the affair happen???)))
I havent. Maybe thats half my problem. I dont know how to do that yet. Hoping it will all just go away.
Thanks for your honesty. You always are direct and honest.
You would think by now I would have moved on huh? Every day brings a new emotion. Glad to see that you are slowly walking away from here, although I always did love your posts.
Thanks for your honesty.
So when I see him in a business/social setting, what should I do. What will make me look stronger? I have looked so pathetic with my attempts to understand how he could love me one day and stop loving me the next. So...what do you think??
A) Ignore him totally
B) Be so nice and act like nothing ever happened
C) Grab him by the b*lls and tell him that he is an a**hole and I wish I never had met him
D) Flirt with every man around in hopes that will make him jealous
E) None of the above
:)
Translation:-
"We are doner than a done thing served well done with lashings of done on top."
-or-
"We're done, you're scaring me so buh-bye."
Sometimes they do say exactly what they mean.
Free's quite right, the problems within *you* which led to making choices to enter into an EMA need to be addressed. These will not simply go away and no amount of ignoring them is going to make them any less of an issue.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
That bad?? That obvious???!!!
You would think I would have read his response and saw the truth in it.
I guess I hold onto his past words and emotions and struggle to understand the change in the tone.
Funny thing is, I was the one who initiated it to end in the first place. Then he couldnt deal with that. Now he is. And I hate that he has moved on w/o even hurting.
I had to laugh at your Translation:-
"We are doner than a done thing served well done with lashings of done on top."
-or-
"We're done, you're scaring me so buh-bye."
Any normal person looking in from the outside sees it for what it is. Not much.
It seems alot of us struggle with "what they are thinking". He is telling me. And I hate facing the music. I am a thing of the past without further thought. I on the other hand am consumed with sadness. But I dont even know why I am sad. My H is so much kinder, better looking, and all around better than OM ever was or will be. So why cant I just move on?
I swear I think I am a narcissit too. I never thought that before, but I cant make sense of my struggling with this bs. I want him to be miserable w/o me...so doesnt that mean that I am a narcissist? I got off on his desire to want me.
So not facing it is not the solution. I see that. I do find strength from those around here. Hoping that will make this less stressful.
Thanks!
Thanks True!!!
Now, if I could just stay true to myself, regain my composure and resist that insane temptation of contacting him in hopes of trying to understand why and how he could change his emotions towards me than I will be that much better off.
A's dont have closure. You are right. A's are a serious addiction.
I became an addict to the thrill, the danger, the excitement and I guess like a drug I am struggling with the withdrawl syptoms.
Friday is almost done and the weekends always seem easier since there are no reminders there of him.
BE STRONG! WORDS TO LIVE BY.
My choice in the multiple choice question is A: Ignore him. You've wasted far too much of your energy on him, it's time to let go. Life is too precious!!
xo,
Katie
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