Need your Support - Want to END A

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Need your Support - Want to END A
2
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:03pm
I am ready to end my A to MM and need that last little push/support/help/courage!!! I have been with MM since December, so 7 months now. We work together very, very closely and see each other all day, 5 days a week. I "think" I fell in love with him, but is it real? I have two young children and he has no children, in fact he has only been married for a year so our A started 5 1/2 months after he was married. I really, really want to end this because I don't know how much more of this I can take. You all know what I mean....confusion, stress, heartache, excitement one minute, crying the next, etc, etc, etc. I put so much energy into MM that I have nothing left in me. I feel like I'm not a good mother anymore because I'm always distracted thinking about him and always depressed and stressed out. I know he cares a lot about me, but probably has no intention of ever leaving his W. He is not happy with her, but is afraid of failure and what people will think. I take that as he doesn't care enough about me to make those sacrifices. Anyway, I'm tired of it...soooo tired of it. How do we do that last little push to ourselves to FINALLY end it????? I am soooo ready! Any advice will help. I need it!!!

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 7:04am
I just ended my A this week. I know exactly how you are feeling. My A lasted almost 2-1/2 years and I know I grew to have feelings for him inspite of the fact I said I wouldn't. We were together less than a week ago and afterwards I felt empty. I knew in my head that to him it was just sex (he basically admitted it to me one time when I wouldn't let him call it "make love" -- he was just using that term to get in my pants -- he didn't love me) and that we really had know future together. I always knew he wouldn't leave his wife and kids. I also knew I probably wouldn't have the strength to leave mine. I work very closely with MM and see him all day long. I understand how easy it is to become attached to a co-worker, especially since I saw him more than I see my husband.

My head is still trying to convince my heart that I'm doing the right thing, that it's time to face reality...my A was just a fantasy. Sure, it was a great fantasy, but it was never going anywhere. The only one getting hurt in the situation was me. I thought I could have a little fun on the side without getting emotionally attached, but I was only fooling myself.

I hope you find the strength to end things. I know it takes a lot of will power, but this board and the support of those who know what you are going through, really seems to help me. Keep reading messages here, keep posting, and hopefully you'll find the answers you are looking for. If you can find the post about "Lost in Limbo", I highly recommend reading it, maybe even a half a dozen times. That's what I did, that's what helped me to find the strength to end it.

Good luck and remember there are other people that have been where you are at that will support you and help you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 7:39am
melafo,

Keep telling yourself that you want OFF the rollercoaster. It is not worth it to expel this amount of energy on someone other than yourself, spouse or kids.

And think of any negative traits he has (such as cheating on a fiance)...

If he's ever done anything that makes you question his integrity, trust, etc. then

dwell on it. It makes it easier.

Also, like everyone says, take it one hour at a time. I know it's not easy.

I'm trying to end one myself.

Good luck.