Needed to Post Here Tonight...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Needed to Post Here Tonight...
2
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 11:56pm
Hi all! It's been a few months since I was a regular here, but this board saved my life when I ended my A about 6 months ago and decided to put my marriage back together. And I'm still so glad I made that decision and the rebuilding is going very well. But...

Here's the thing: A few days ago, thoughts of XMM just started coming into my mind on a really regular basis. One morning, I woke up with the lyrics to "our" song stuck in my head, couldn't bump them out, hummed the darned tune all day (FYI - "No One Like You, by The Scorpions). I started driving by his house. Started thinking it might be okay to give him a call just to "see how he's doing."

I hope someone out there can identify. My M is going so well. I know my thoughts about XMM are crazy and I certainly don't think I'm going to act on them. I'm just so annoyed with myself, and frustrated. Why the heck is he on my mind again????

This much I'm sure of: it's not HIM. I miss something about the way he made me feel, or just the excitement and drama of being in an A. DH and I have been working really hard on rebuilding the intimacy and trust. We're about to start construction of our dream house. Life is good. So what the heck is up with all these thoughts about XMM??? Boredom? Not enough chaos???? Anyone have any insight????

I'm pretty sure I know the answer, I just need to know that someone else out there feels this way, too. Thanks so much in advance! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:41am
Mo! It is nice to hear from you, although I'm sorry to hear you struggling!! But -- you know we have all been there. I wouldn't read too much more into the "whys" behind the xMM thoughts; you already acknowledged that it is the excitement that you miss, and I don't think these recent thoughts mean anything new is wrong with your marriage or your life; from everything you have been through, Mo, I am sure you realize that the recovery process goes in cycles, and you're just hitting a weak point right now. You also realize that if you can ride this out without acting on it, you will come out of it much stronger and ready to deal with the next low point, which should be coming even further & further apart, right?

I know if I still had easy access to my xMM, (like being able to drive by his house), it would make it all the harder for me to completely let go. As it is, I wish we had no mutual connections, so I would never have to hear his name again.

Anyway, remember that if you contact your XMM it will absolutely fill him with a multitude of expectations and hope. He had a tough time letting go of you. For his sake, for your H's sake, for your own sake, don't do it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:30pm
i agree.. you've already stated the "Why" your EXMM came up in your mind..I read it and thought "Yep that makes a lot of sense".. so at least you are able to understand that maybe you're seeking some excitement or chaos..rather than HIM. When things are good in your marriage of course there is no excitement. Use this as a tip that you need to do something new for yourself. Something that doesn't involve risking your marriage. Join a gym, or write a story. Write a story about a woman who has an affair if you have to. LOL Go get your nails done, or rent a good movie. Just keep going, and get past that urge to contact HIM, just to make excitement for yourself. Plan a sexy night with your husband or something..I know it's hard..it took me three years to realize my MM was NOT what I needed.. Good Luck and stay strong. You can do this :)!