Needing support
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 01-16-2004 - 8:42pm |
Here's my story. We are both married (me nearly 4 years - having problems the last year, him less than 1 year.) It started out as a drunken kiss which lead to making out. A couple days later he e-mailed to make sure we we're both OK after what happened. We both said it was just a fluke occurance and we would just move on like nothing ever happened. After that we started to e-mail each other more and eventually we each expressed our long-time attraction to one another, too bad we hadn't realized sooner. (we've known one another since before either of us was married.) Still no plans to take it any further. We were just flirting via e-mail (something we had always done in person - even in front of our spouses. it's just our personalities.) But in the e-mails no one was watching so it went a little further - eventually into discussions things we wanted to experience with one another and after some time we exchanged provocative photos. Every time the oppurtunity arose we would sneak a touch or a kiss and on a couple occassions when we had a little time unsupervised things went a little further but we never got to ic. We did talk about ic and how or where we could manage it. This was all over the course of a few months. As my marriage problems got worse he started to feel responsible even though those problems started way before he & I got involved and he knew it. Then we both began to feel guilty for what we were doing to our spouses. See we all (he & W, me & H) regularily spend time together. We are all supposed to be good friends. He tried to end it once, then I tried and now this time he has ended it, for good I suspect. I know this is the right thing to do before anyone finds out and someone else gets hurt but I hurt so much right now. Partly because he abruptly stopped e-mailing me. I guess I just wanted one last note from him saying he hurt too and that it was hard for him. But also because I have to see him out socially on a regular basis. It's hard enough seeing him out but then having to act like everything is normal. I know he has to do the same thing so no one gets suspicious but sometimes it feels like maybe he doesn't need to act maybe it didn't mean that much to him.
I just have to keep telling myself that it is for the best. I will start to feel better. In the meantime I try to schedule things for h & I with other friends, at places I know we won't run into MM so that hopefully the newness of the hurt will wear off.
It's been a great help to me to read all of your posts and know I am not alone in this. especially since I can't tell even my best friend about what has happened and how truly sad I am right now.
Hugs to all of you. I understand the pain you are going through. Hopefully we can help each other through this.
jw

I hurt for you but I think you are doing the right thing but I know the "right" thing doesn't always feel right to our hearts. But you have to see your MM. In my case my OM (I am M) moved hours away. I may never see him again. I don't know which is worse. Sometimes I imagine I see him in places I know he can't possibly be. But then you have to see yours and try not to think these thoughts. It's so hard! And he and I emailed every day. Now we have had NC for 2 1/2 months. I still check the e-mail every day and I truly miss talking to him so much. We had become so intimate by email and now I feel a real emptiness.
This board has really helped me too as I would never dare tell any of my friends. They think my H and I have a good M. Some days I just read all the posts, even the very old ones and there is so much pain on this board, but somehow it helps to know there are others who feel just like me and have done the same things, right or wrong, that I have.
hang in there and vent here, some days are harder than others but you can do it!
hugs
I know what you mean about checking e-mail eveyday I've been doing it for the last 8 days hoping to see something, anything from MM and today there was. I have such a huge smile on my face right now. It's just so good to here from him. He said he hadn't replied sonner cuz w had walked in when he was about to one night and it spooked him. If she had seen any of the message she would have known who it was. He sent a 2nd e-mail saying he hadn't wanted to end it but was scared and that he missed me. That was all I really wanted to hear - that he missed me too. Now I just have to stay strong because I know it will be so easy for us to fall back into things. I'm going to hold off on replying to him. maybe that will help.
thanks for the support.
jw
Let us know what is happening.
Hugs