Needing support

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
Needing support
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 8:59am

As I'm sure we all have, I fell back into a very bad situation once again.  But, thankfully, not for long.  This man had me so fooled!  How could I be so stupid and naive to not see him for what he really was.  The last contact was 10/15 and it was awful.  The pure evil that came out of him had me shaking.  There is nothing that he will stop at to get exactly what he wants.  I was finally able to see this and did what you all have been advising me to do.  I told him I was done and BLOCKED all access to me.  This was scary but neccesary.  I know he is furious and will try and find ways around it but I am ready.  I have to stay away from him and out of this situation for good this time.  I remind myself almost hourly what he has said and done to help tow the line.  Without him I feel clean.  And safe. 

I never wanted to believe what others were saying about him.  I defended him.  Always.  Now as I go through the years and see what was really happening.  I feel like a fool.  He didn't deserve my loyalty or my love.  The only ones who do are right here beside me.  I have over looked what is th most important to me, just to have this man in my life.  I don't want it anymore. 

I am worth much more than this.  Thank you ladies for showing me what the first step needed to be.  NC is the ONLY way to get my life back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 10:43am

Good for you, Blondehigh

Now you are protecting yourself from any further hurt...a sign you are regaining your sense of self-love...good good good.

Seems like you've have a major relevation...who he is and what the affair was really all about.  

He may try to work his way back not have any further communications with him...just keep blocking his shots.

Stay Clean..Stay Safe ;)




iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 11:13am

Hi BH,

You are worth so much more and it is great to see your realize it. Blocking helps you take back your power and not stay stuck in the muck! When you see the necessity of it for yourself, you have a better chance of it sticking.

This is all about you now and what you need to move forward.




Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 11:17am

You are going through the stages of grief, and learning. It's a tough combination.

It is never easy.  We all thought we were in love. That ours was different.

The only common thread??? We all knew we were doing something wrong.

It gets better as you go along.  Acceptance is hard at first but the truth will set you free.

Keep BLOCKING, it is the only guaranteed 100% way of ending it.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 11:51am

Hi Blonde,

You are not stupid or naive, you were caught up in what you thought was a loving relationship with a toxic man, however wrong that relationship was. Well done you for blocking. Now stay blocked and that means no indirect or passive communication either: don't read anything he may try to slip through. Don't seek or listen to information about him, don't look at his social network pages. This man is showing you his true colours, ANY CONTACT direct or indirect can make you prone to being manipulated by him again. Any contact will continually chisel away at your sense of self and well being, Any contact will keep the wounds he has inflicted fresh and intense.  The ONLY way to heal from this to maintain no contact. You can do this Blonde, its hard and it will hurt but you will heal and with time you will find yourself again. I promise you will.



Sunny Soon Xxx