Nervous about IC

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Nervous about IC
3
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 9:44am


Tonight after work I have my first IC session. I am a little nervous about how it is going to go and how I am going to feel after. Before I left home this morning H started with the questions again and I can't figure out why because he really hasn't been talking to me in the last 2 wks. Do you think it is because he knows I am starting counseling tonight? Is he thinking that I have forgotten what I have done and why I am going to try and figure things/me out? I really didn't have time to talk to H this morning I was on my way out the door but I did tell him I would talk to him when I got home tonight.

I don't want to have any great expectations about counseling because it is only the first session and I assume that it will be more of the counselor and I getting to know each other and that we won't be getting into any hard core issues. Can someone tell me things I should expect tonight to try and calm my nerves. Also for those of you who do go or have been to IC how much do you tell your H? Is is common when you get back from an IC that your H wants to know what you talked about and what was said?

Thanks everyone, I will let you know how it goes.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
In reply to: daf101a
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 10:29am
Hey Daf!

Congratulations on taking that step to start counseling. I've been to 3 sessions now, and it has really helped me gain perspective and kind of sort through my problems one at a time. You're right...your first session will probably be your counselor getting to know you and finding out what you hope to accomplish. For me, it just felt great to get the ball rolling and know that I was doing something positive that would help me get back on track. Don't be nervous...it is a big step, but a very healthy and positive one.

As for how much to tell your husband...I'm really not too sure what to tell you. My H doesn't know about the A, so I'm not really in the same situation. I know that you should be as honest as possible with your H, but I do feel that individual counseling needs to be a safe place for you to discuss anything and everything that's on your mind. I know your H is feeling threatened and insecure right now (which is definitely why he started in this morning on counseling day) but I'm not sure it would help anything to tell him all the little details of your session. My H and I have an understanding when it comes to my IC that I discuss what I want to with him, and only what I want. He doesn't pry. I know it's different in your situation though, so you might want to consult with your counselor about how to handle things with your H, since it is a difficult and delicate situation.

I guess that my best advice would be to be extra kind to H after your session, assure him that your goal is to make things better for yourself and with him, and maybe share a few details that you are comfortable with.

Let us know how it goes!

(((HUGS)))

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
In reply to: daf101a
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 10:46am
Daf,

Just wanted to say good luck with your IC tonight. I also am going to IC tonight my second time with a different T. H and I are working on our M but I discovered lately that I have a lot of personal issues that I need to learn to deal with and this prompted me to go again.. And the fact that he quit his job recently doesn't help things much either. Not sure what I hope to accomplish by going but I definately need some help to get me going in the right direction. Before when I went for IC H and I both went at seperate times and he was full of questions.. I was just careful to answer ones that I knew would not upset him. Has your H considered IC also??

Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
In reply to: daf101a
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:53am
Lost,

I have suggested to H that he might want to go and talk to someone and he doesn't, so I dont' push. I have told him that eventually maybe he could come to counseling with me but first and foremost I have to figure out what is wrong with me in order to fully put 100% into rebuilding our M and he has agreed. Agreed to that but still pushing from time to time, but that is to be expected.

I have started reading a book, "After the Affair: Overcoming the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful" by Janis Abrahms Spring, Michael Spring. This book gives you a look from the unfaithful's position as well as from the BS's position. I have only gotten 1/2 way thru it but it rings so true on many levels. I am hoping between reading these self help books and counseling I will be prepared to move on and give H 100%.

As for what to tell H that is still up in the air and I think will just have to be taken as it comes. I do honestly believe that thru counseling I will accomplish what I need to. Even if I don't know exactly what that is right now, it will come to me and be clear thru working with the counselor (at least I hope).

Good luck with your session, keep me posted.

DAF