never saw xMM on vacation ... (sad)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
never saw xMM on vacation ... (sad)
4
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 9:19am
But i still wish i had... unfortunetly i did try to see him.. i didnt avoid the places hed be.. but he wasnt there.. turns out his wife was up and not him he was ariving the following day when she went home........ I know it was stupid of me.. I dont know why i cant let this freaking go!! I hate myself for being like this.... I kept driving by his house.. just to get a glimpse of him ... i really didnt enjoy myself at all cause i kept hoping hed see me and want to talk to me... this is so sick ... so destructive.. so POINTLESS!!! yet i cant stop!!! I would have thought this time was easier .. we ended good.. the closure is there .. we discussed everything there was not much left unsaid.. and i still cant let this go!! what is it going to take?!?! what the He*l am i holding on to ?!??!! obviously hes moved on .. im blocked from AIM blocked from his life... and im still here waiting for a bone like a dog!!! I sit here crying wondering how can it be soooo easy for him and soooo hard for me.. how can he move on just like that , like nothing ever happend.. like he never knew me... how the He*l can that be so freakin easy ?!?!? i cant forget and i cant stop ... every day i still strugle with wanting to call or e mail him .... im sorry , all of u are probably sick of hearing this same stuff... i just am so broken ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 11:56am

Oh Mess,

I know this is hard, but you have got to pull yourself together! You said it ended good, and you got closure. That's more than most of us get when it ends. Keep that in a part of your heart and start moving on. I know there isn't much self-respect left when we find ourselves in an A, but you are only destroying what self-respect and dignity you DO have left!

Are you in T? I don't know your whole story, I don't know if you are M or not, I've read your heart wrenching posts, and I know you are in lot of pain. It sounds to me like he's trying to avoid you as much as you are seeking him out. Honey, stop the driveby's!!!

When my A ended, I didn't do anything I knew would deliberately cause me more pain or set me back. Trying to run into him, driving by, listening to certain music, etc. I got rid of anything that instantly made me think of him. You need to do the same. Don't drive by his house, or try to run into him, it only hurts you more in the long run.

And no drinking!!!! That's when I am still most likely to falter, when I've been drinking
I sometimes get the overwhelming urge to leave him a VM. Thankfully, I haven't done it, but the urge is there all the same.

What if you saw him or talked to him? What would it solve? It would only cause you more pain than you are in already. It really does start to get easier the longer you go with NC.

Pull your dignity and pride around you like a cloak, and hold your head high. You wouldn't want him to see you this way if you DID run into him would you? Be strong, and don't let him see how much you hurt. That's the best revenge. ;)

Owl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 3:48pm

Mess

No dear were not getting sick of your posts or that your covering the same ground over again, the truth is that most women and max do, just the nature of the beast it seems.

Are you getting profeesional help to deal with your emotions and with the whys of getting into an affair....if you leave the whys unresolved moveing forward may be next to impossible.

In the present TOTAL NO CONTACT is a must as hard as that is, it may help you to see yourself as a JUNKIE, an emotional JUNKIE craving the drug of choice, you have to stay away from it at all costs (((NO STALKING))).

Part of this is years of "HABIT" that you need to "REPLACE" with something better, when you have the urge to call/contact him do something positive with your husband/ children something to re-enforce the healthy areas of your life.

I strongly suggest that you BLOCK him from e-mailing IMing you to remove any hope of hereing from him in these areas, everything you do like this is a step toward letting go and you need to take the steps that say to yourself that you have let go.

Be strong

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 7:49am
no im not in T but i really do think i belong there.. its tuff finding one in this area.. i am married .. there is no connection there any more with H we keep trying but seems like we are roomates..ur right , ur all right i just cant let it go .. not yet any way hopefully some day ..thanks for ur reply it means a ton.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 7:52am
thank u for ur reply it means a ton.. No im not yet seeking T.. I know i need to tho its tuff finding someone here and tuff making that first call...i just dont get why its so hard.. I dont have to worry about blockin him , hes blocked me so short of a phone call its the only way to reach him..and i havent done that .........thanks again for ur concern .. you all on this board are the best......