Never thought I would even....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Never thought I would even....
9
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 12:40pm

I never thought I would consider having an "A".

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 1:15pm

Dear Sassyea,


There will always be people that we have an intense attraction to. The problem is, if you are in a committed relationship you have to stir clear of this magnetic pull or you will end up like every gal posting on this board; ending an A that has practically ruined their lives.


Start reading every post on here you can. Go down to the Healing Library on the main page near the bottom and read the thread called "Chemistry Lesson," followed by the D-Day thread, and then the thread called, "Rules for maintaining LC at the workplace." Although you haven't had an A yet, you are circling very dangerous territory that could pull you in like a magnet. The LC rules will help you to behave while you are around this guy.


PLEASE, don't go there. All the thrills and chills we have in the beginning of A turn into cuts and bruises that will

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 1:28pm

I ask you to please read all you can.

I am sitting - waiting in tears, full of angst, having to go in an hour to a meeting where my X-AP will be. We had a very very intense 2 year 'relationship' - both our significant others now know, and the pain of moving past our A is taking an indescribable toll on all of us - children included.

You will never know such grief. I wish I could go-back, but I can't. I will live with the consequences for the rest of my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 2:42pm
Sassyea, DON'T DO IT!!! That is exactly how my A started. The mutual attraction was palpable. Him just standing behind me at my desk would make me tremble with excitement. I fought it for 6 months until one day we were alone together at work and he asked me why I don't wear a wedding ring (needed to have it re-sized). I actually told him that my husband betrayed me and that we were having problems (a lie). He was single. So from there our eyes locking happened daily until we simply couldn't fight it anymore. Fast forward till now, 2 years later (A ended a year ago). I have suffered more in the last 2 years than I have in my entire life. The passion and excitement and so-called "love" was not worth the pain of having to end the A, because I too was not willing to leave my incredible H and family. So, I beg you, stop with the nonsense! I had to quit my job in order to stay away. I hope you don't have to get to that point.
Hugs, AAI
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 3:14pm
Sassy- We all understand the lure. I made the mistake of pursuing it. I started just like you- fantasizing about a co-worker who had become my friend... and now, after a year long A that practically killed me emotionally and spiritually, I am literally rebuilding myself and my M from the ground up. You will never know such pain. It will not end well. It is totally not worth it. They always say that hindsight is 20/20, but if i knew then, what I know now, I would have cut my xap out of my life at the first hint of attraction. My heartaches to think that you could be contemplating this. I would do anything to save one person from entering an A. it will destroy you, your family and everyone you love.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 5:36pm

Sassy,


Take heed of

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 6:41am

Sassy,


Have you ever done crack, heroine or meth? Are you tempted to?


NO WAY!!, you say? Everyone knows those drugs are bad for you and that they have a highly addictive nature, you say? Who in their right mind would ever want to get mixed up with something that

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 12:40pm

Sassyea...


We've all been where you are... The attraction, the good feelings, the giddi-ness, the hormones, the EVERYTHING....


As a M woman I can also relate to many of the things you say about your M, although it's a bit different (but I needed more emotionally!)...


I don't know how to say it... (b/c I feel like a hypocrite) but STOP it NOW!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 3:46pm

Oh, dear, Sassy:


You have wisely chosen to come here before committing non-lethal suicide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 4:30pm

I may have got this from here awhile back... I had it save on my computer...


Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.