New and Confused
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| Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:44pm |
Hi, I am new here, single OW. Just recently I made the conscious decision, to cut off my affair.
Here is an overview of my situation. I recently, within the past 2 years moved to a new place, started a new job. For the longest time I was lonley, here. My first set of good friends was my boss and his family. They have become like my family in only these past two years. I do things for them,and they help me out all the time.
My boss's best friend and co-worker came for a short term from overseas to work with us for a short period of time. Well, I fell for my him, my MM, although at the time i did not know he was married. It started innocently enough, through work and common friends. We soon started something, and about 2 weeks into it, First I find out he is married with one child and then after he leaves through another source just by chance I found out his wife is also 6 months pregnant. Actually, my boss and his wife are the Godparents of one of my MMs kids. This shook me so much, yet I cared for him enough then that I didn't let it stop me from seeing him. I stopped communicating with him for a while when I found out about the new baby, but it only lasted 6 weeks.
Anyways, he went back to his country and I was crushed. I never got over him, but I came to a point where I was okay, and comfortable, more like I compartmentalized him. We still e-mail and talked on the phone occasionally. I went to his country in the summer, and we spent a week together, and it was amazing. And then he returned once more to work to my city for a month a couple of months ago.
Since his last visit, the pain got too deep after he left. The pain got so much, I could not concentrate on anything, no motivation or will. He still contacts me, mostly text messages and e-mail, and is his incredibly romantic self, but I think I have become immune to his words, because lets face it, words without action are nothing. I can't completely cut him off unfortunately because we must still collaborate for work, but I can never tell him how I really feel, how angry I am. It's an internal battle, one side of me is sensitive to him, other is cold and bitter.
So, now I am mostly ok. I have good days and bad days. I will manage but any tips are advice is appreciated.
leyla

leyla
When your at work and have to communicate with him then keep it Professional to Professional never person to person, freeze out any attempts at personal communications.
Remember that he was with out a doubt very romantic with his wife leading up to making the latest baby but still cheated on her while she carried his child, what type of man does that, not one that you could ever respect or trust.
I would suggest if you have not done so that you cultivate a new circle of friends being lonely may well have left you an easy target for this sort of thing.
Free
leyla,
like FREE said, no need to find new friends, u are single so hang out , join a dating service, go to church, do something
im in the same situation as u, but it now am trying to move on, your MM is just having his cake and eat u, like u said words are just words, he did not choose u
pls keep us posted
and welcome to the board
max - welcoming committee :) , as per Free
Listen to Free - Keep communication strictly professional. If MM tries to get personal in e-mails/phone calls, you should end the conversation. Is there any way you can avoid having to deal with him completely?
Unfortunately, as many of us here will tell you, A's have a tendency to be cyclic in nature, and until you break the cycle, you are in the A. So...each time you open that window of personal communication, you are just opening the possibility that the A will resume and you will get hurt.
If you are truly determined to end the A, cutting off unnecessary communication is, unfortunately, a necessity.