New and looking for support

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
New and looking for support
5
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 6:07pm
Hi...

I don't even know how to start this.

As hard as it is to admit this to myself, my relationship with MM was pretty much a joke. The relationship was one-sided and I don't think he cares about me at all. He never seems to have the time to hear anything I've got to say. I'm ashamed that I didn't seen this sooner. I've wasted time and emotion on someone who just doesn't get it.

Please help. I don't know how to get out. Do I just walk away? Do I need to say anything? How did you all leave once you got the courage to do so?

Thanks so much. FT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:40pm
Hi FT! I am new to this board too, but I can say that I think you will find some wonderful support here. The people here have a lot of words of wisdom to offer, and many have been in situations just like yours.

Because I am new here, I am also new to ending an A, so I don't really have any words of advice per se, just that you need to focus on you right now. It sounds like this MM is selfish and hasn't given you the love and respect you deserve. I am guessing that the advice you will get is to cut off all contact with MM, also called "NC" (no contact). This may be the best way to go, but remember, an A is like and addiction, so it will hurt for a while. The NC will give you time to regroup and put things into perspective.

I am going through a period of semi-NC right now. The only contact I have had with OM in the past 2 weeks is brief e-mails at work. It is hard not to pick up the phone to call him, or go and meet him for a drink, but I know deep down inside, it is what I have to do. It is what is best for me, and I have to put myself first.

I wish you all the best, and remember that we are all here to support you through this.

((hugs))

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:54pm

My male opinion: walk away and don't look back. If MM really cared about you he would have been single first before starting the relationship.


Don't beat yourself up too much and consider the time with MM a learining experience wherein you learned you yourself have true value and needn't waste you time in a part-time one-sided relationship.


You'll heal and have a great life....as you choose to learn and move on.


cl-nre


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:26pm
Affairs become an addiction. Like any destructive drug, just say NO! Your heart will thank you for it :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:01pm
Thank you everyone!

I guess I'm hoping I can come here and talk.

There aren't a whole lot of people who know. And it hurts, a lot more than I think he even realizes.

I can avoid him, so I will. And I don't think I need to say anything. But eventually he has things of mine I will want back, so I'll have to deal with him later on. Maybe when I'm stronger.

Right now I'm not angry. I knew this was coming. Just kept hoping for the best and a change. I'm sure the anger will hit me though. For now I'm just sad. Sad and somewhat rejected. The final straw was feeling that he had no interest in anything related to me. He was completely emotionally unavailable to me under the guise of being busy. I got used. Badly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:53am
Big hugs, and welcome. It sounds like you came in contact with a self-centered individual, and how could you possibly know that until you had the relationship with him???? Many of us on this board were involved with men who were totally self-centered and used the A for all it was worth TO THEM without ever considering the other person's feelings. Yep, it's totally unfair, but please try not to beat yourself up over it. The issues lie with him. You did nothing wrong. It's no shortcoming on your part.

In your first post you mentioned how one-sided the A was. Your XMM was probably something of a narcissist and "used" you to make him feel good. That's what narcissists do. You had no way of knowing that's what you were in for so you couldn't do the obvious things to protect yourself.

Use this as a learning experience. The next time you see yourself becoming involved with any person, male or female, who seems to be very high-maintenance and taking much more than giving in the relationship, run like h#ll. Which is what you should probably do at this point. You don't need to explain anything to him. Just run like h#ll.

And keep posting and reading here. You WILL see stories similar to yours and you can grow and learn from what the others here have been through - what worked and what didn't. Take care of yourself and for heaven's sake, put that bludgeon down...

Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10