New and looking for support
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New and looking for support
| Fri, 05-21-2004 - 6:07pm |
Hi...
I don't even know how to start this.
As hard as it is to admit this to myself, my relationship with MM was pretty much a joke. The relationship was one-sided and I don't think he cares about me at all. He never seems to have the time to hear anything I've got to say. I'm ashamed that I didn't seen this sooner. I've wasted time and emotion on someone who just doesn't get it.
Please help. I don't know how to get out. Do I just walk away? Do I need to say anything? How did you all leave once you got the courage to do so?
Thanks so much. FT

Because I am new here, I am also new to ending an A, so I don't really have any words of advice per se, just that you need to focus on you right now. It sounds like this MM is selfish and hasn't given you the love and respect you deserve. I am guessing that the advice you will get is to cut off all contact with MM, also called "NC" (no contact). This may be the best way to go, but remember, an A is like and addiction, so it will hurt for a while. The NC will give you time to regroup and put things into perspective.
I am going through a period of semi-NC right now. The only contact I have had with OM in the past 2 weeks is brief e-mails at work. It is hard not to pick up the phone to call him, or go and meet him for a drink, but I know deep down inside, it is what I have to do. It is what is best for me, and I have to put myself first.
I wish you all the best, and remember that we are all here to support you through this.
((hugs))
Circe
My male opinion: walk away and don't look back. If MM really cared about you he would have been single first before starting the relationship.
Don't beat yourself up too much and consider the time with MM a learining experience wherein you learned you yourself have true value and needn't waste you time in a part-time one-sided relationship.
You'll heal and have a great life....as you choose to learn and move on.
cl-nre
I guess I'm hoping I can come here and talk.
There aren't a whole lot of people who know. And it hurts, a lot more than I think he even realizes.
I can avoid him, so I will. And I don't think I need to say anything. But eventually he has things of mine I will want back, so I'll have to deal with him later on. Maybe when I'm stronger.
Right now I'm not angry. I knew this was coming. Just kept hoping for the best and a change. I'm sure the anger will hit me though. For now I'm just sad. Sad and somewhat rejected. The final straw was feeling that he had no interest in anything related to me. He was completely emotionally unavailable to me under the guise of being busy. I got used. Badly.
In your first post you mentioned how one-sided the A was. Your XMM was probably something of a narcissist and "used" you to make him feel good. That's what narcissists do. You had no way of knowing that's what you were in for so you couldn't do the obvious things to protect yourself.
Use this as a learning experience. The next time you see yourself becoming involved with any person, male or female, who seems to be very high-maintenance and taking much more than giving in the relationship, run like h#ll. Which is what you should probably do at this point. You don't need to explain anything to him. Just run like h#ll.
And keep posting and reading here. You WILL see stories similar to yours and you can grow and learn from what the others here have been through - what worked and what didn't. Take care of yourself and for heaven's sake, put that bludgeon down...
Love, Mo.