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| Mon, 11-09-2009 - 9:59pm |
Hi everyone....I've gone from the MAS to AAS and I guess I belong here now...LOL
You can read all my other posts, but my story in a nut shell: I was in an A for a year (both of us are married) He is getting divorced because his wife found out about his other affair...he told me right from the start that all he wanted was sex and nothing else and I agreed. We tried to end it numerous times, but every time we were alone it happened. ( I used to watch his son) He was always: yes I want it....no, I don't....yes, I do...etc...He's never called to chat or text or anything like that. BUT after he told me he didn't want ANY affair anymore, I found him on an affair dating site. I called him out on it and he told me he had that account for awhile (it was a lie) and then he deleted it. I've tried to talk to him about things and he refuses to talk about them and when I call him, he never calls me back. My friend told me forget it....he's an a**...focus on you. I want to...I really do....it's just hard. I have a feeling when he wants it again he'll call.....
Advice? You can certainly read my other posts on the MAS board....

Welcome to EAS. I know it is hard and seems daunting at times but NC is the way to go. Some of us (me) have found out the hard way that NC or LC (only if you work together, live nearby or are in-laws) is the only way to truly start the healing process. We
Welcome Jilly
Well, it sounds like it is over for him and he is moving on.
Welcome Jilly,
You were both in it for the sex right?
Jilly,
Let's not forget that cheaters lie and liars cheat.
I know for a fact they don't have sex because: 1. I'm friends w/ his wife and she tells me they don't (although I guess I'm not really her friend because if I was I wouldn't be sleeping w/ her husband)
2. Because of his first affair, he lost his job and he had to tell her why. She hasn't forgiven him, they're in debt, are going to divorce and he doesn't even sleep in their room anymore.
And you're right.....I'm sure I'm not the only girl he was sleeping with. How stupid was I?
"how stupid was I?" -- Gee, I've been asking myself the same question for weeks!! ha. I am the queen of Naivety! My xAP didn't even out and out lie to me; he only implied I could trust him, and I totally fell for it. What an idiot I was. I wanted to believe he was not the complete Dog he'd demonstrated himself to be - past affairs, attitude, and whatnot. I needed to believe I was 'special' and I needed to project onto him qualities that he didn't possess so I could justify my feelings for him. Cheaters are LIARS, every last one of them (us included). Ask yourself, "why was I so willing to dupe myself when I probably knew deep-down I was being a fool?" Lying to oneself and then believing the lie is one of the most toxic games we play with ourselves.
Once we're out of the As, and the fog has lifted, we can see our xAPs and ourselves more honestly. It's never a pretty picture and the bare truth hurts, but if we don't buck up and look at our past realistically, we can't learn and grow from the experience.
Yep, you know they aren't sleeping together, but what does it matter?