New Board? Teach an old dog new tricks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
New Board? Teach an old dog new tricks?
11
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 12:33am
Wowee! This is weird! But, I can learn new tricks! I hope all of you got thru your day a bit stronger and wiser! I have a plan for this week! I am a pack rat!I hate throwing things away so, I plan to box up everything my XOM gave me! (NOT MUCH!) and send it to him! I know it will send him my final message! DONE DEAL! So much went unsaid on my part! I've thought about this for over six months and it's what is right for me. He does not live with his wife so I won't be hurting her! I will be purging the last bit of him from my life! It's all been stored away and needs to go anyway! So, this is my final hurrah! Just been too lazy to do it before now! Haven't been trying to hold onto it! REALLY! Say BYE BYE Jerk wad! Thanks for the lousey memories! And watch out for the rat trap! LOL!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:30pm
Yep, I got it! You're about as I had imagined as well. Wow, are we good at reading people or what! LOL. I'll get back to your more later. Probably give you a call tonight! There's been an update with xMM.

~Chris~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:19am
Hi Delight, I'm aware that you live in a big city so, may I make a suggestion? Take that blanket with you on your way to work and hand it to the first person you see living on the street! Take those poetry books to a used book store and trade them in for some books of poetry by Robert Frost. Make sure you get "The Road Less Traveled" and "BIRCHES" .If you are a reader then these 2 poems will make your trade worthwhile!

My DD says "no mom don't recite it again" when I bring up the "Road Less Traveled"! It's been my fav. since I read it at age 12 or 13!It is hanging in my home in my horse barn and tack barn in my car....LOL! "Birches" is equally as thought provoking! Even if you don't trade your books read those 2? They are you to the core Missy! They are what I wished for and am but not completely!

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I, I chose the one less traveled by.. and that has made all the difference..."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:02am
RTB, Me exactly, I have something inside me that just hates filling up the landfills that are already full! Call it whatever you want but I am an Earth loving, peace loving, hippie born too late to be one! The land lives inside me, around me, and for me! I do shave my legs and armpits though! LOL! I say do it your way! Pull support from whomever offers you what works and FLY LIKE THE WIND! You own your power! But, then you already know that don't you? Use it girl and one day soon you will be free! Yes, you will have memories but, you will be free! Just keep using YOUR FREE WILL and YOUR INTELLECT! You obviously have both! For good reason! Peace Baby!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:48pm
re: what to do with the gifts

I have to agree that giving stuff back could be interpretted both ways, as either "she hates me" or "she loves me".

I don't want to send either message. When the time is right I will give that stuff away or quietly dispose of it, but I will not trash it disrespectfully. I'm hanging on to a couple souvenirs because they represent a "vacation" I took, and I'm afraid I will never again get to visit a place that wonderful. Those items have to be kept hidden though because they also represent an experience I wasn't supposed to have - and that takes the fun out of it.

But hey, I agonize over throwing out a used margarine tub so nobody better try to rush me on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 5:48pm
Hey Chris! How are you? As promised I sent you an "Artsy Fartsy" email. Did you receive it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 4:20pm
Well, it's about time! ROFL I can't say much in that respect, though, as I still have a few things from my xMM. A beautiful necklace that he gave me for Valentine's Day '02 that I'm giving to my neice in honor of her first child. The stones in the pendant are her daughter's birthstone. I've also kept the pen he brought me back from his vacation last year. That's the one I've been too lazy to toss, especially after it broke!

Glad you finally got around to it.

~Chris~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 4:11pm
I agree that in some cases your suggestion would be the best thing to do. In my case though it's not. This is my final slamming of the door! It's been closed for a long time now and I'm locking it and throwing the key into a volcano!Believe me if there was anything to sell it would be long gone! There is a reason I'm doing it this way and it will make me very happy besides! Just wish I could see the look on his face when he opens it! This man won't call and thank me! If he did try he's been blocked!

There are many ways to end things and I have ended mine my way. It's worked! So, I intend to keep doing it my way because it's a proven way! For me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 2:29pm
Here is my suggestion to anyone who might STILL be hanging on to stuff..and waiting for the day they can send it back and are still getting OVER the guy.

BURN it, TOSS it..and forget MAILING it back to the GUY..GIVE it away if need be.

Those who are COMPLETELY over...say a long time?Send it back if you must...such as if it is the ONLY oxygen tank this side of the Pecos River and he has asthma...BUT also realize for some who hadnt GOTTEN there yet..there is a TEENY crack STILL in the heart that he will respond with a *thank you*..*I got my stuff*..I wanted you to keep it...I didnt want it back...and it can look VERY much like a call to desperation..to keep some of this alive..a DESPERATE chance to make that contact...and hope he will respond. I see women do that when they feel really needy a LOT.....they WANT the *how are you?* so they can slam the door thats BEEN shut and you sending it NOW ( some women, not all)...it will look like...DUHHHHHHHH...you mean she has kept that stuff THIS long? Duhhhhhh...she must not be over me yet...Duhhhhhh..I didnt keep HER stuff....when I got a new girlfriend..HER stuff went in the incinerator....and that PERFECT closure you might have been wanting is REALLY a last chance effort to keep a door open.

I dont care WHAT it is..HOW valuable...This may go REALLY against popular opinion..BUT I dont give a hoot..My suggestion for some women?

He gave ya a diamond ring? expensive? take the stone out..get it remounted into a freedom necklace as a pendant..and wear it to remind you you are OVER the guy...or SELL it..HOCK it..get cash..take a little trip....have FUN on HIS dime:)It will EMPOWER YOU!..And then when you FEEL better? HECK...SELL it..LOL..if ya kept it as a necklace. I sent some jewelry back and was sorry I did...two days out of that thing that jewelry went BACK...another piece I found later?.. I gave it to a girl who was just coming out of a shelter for abused women..who needed a little gift....so she got it..no doubt likes the earrings..and someone has gotten use from them without knowing the story...she has pleasure from them...a gal I knew though..she got a ring..had a jeweler remount that rascal...the diamond sat in the middle of the word ClassyLADY..with the diamond as the centerpiece.it was WOW!

BOOKS? HAH!..Unless they are first edition books...I would take the books....toss them. Truly..I would. OR if you are upset..angry and can't get OVER this man..tear the pages out and take them to a state park to put in one of their out houses..someone will get use from them if you cant make the clean break.

Music?..nahhhhhh...get a sexy high heeled shoe...stockings with a seam..get that stuff ON..then take that high heeled foot and say" You WISH!"..and step on it....LOL..get some EMPOWERMENT.

Old t shirts, cute baseball caps, CARDS? oh sheesh...that goes with the Outhouse stuff.Take it to the state park..pile it in the outhouse and let people go to town when toilet paper runs low.

NOW..if you are sad..SO sad...you CANT see doing this but in the great SOMEDAY a long time away...( and some keep this stuff like Miss Haversham ..and 40 years LATER they have accumulated stuff)...take it someplace where you wont have it in your HOUSE.Sell it ,burn it, give it away..use it for bird cahe liner if need be..DONT send the man back stuffed animals if THATS what you have lying around.You look like a SCHMUCK if you do.

CHUCK those cheesy ceramic mickey mouse mugs..TOSS OUT those cutesy wootsie little teddy bears with I WUV you...put them in the doghouse...so the dog can play with them or do some little wee wee on them.IF you are feeling so outof control that is.

If he is a nice guy? so what?He can still be a GREAT guy...but that doesnt mean you have to have shrine to his crap in your home like an altar.( Ive Seen THAT stuff too....)

Dried rose petals in a book you pressed flat from Vaentines Day last year? make potpourri..give it away.Ticket stubs to stuff? Oh just toss it.

He gave you a cute outfit?..maybe a coffee pot? make coffee..dump it on the outfit...toss out the pot AND outfit.

SOME rituals might heal some gals.

There is NOTHING worth keeping for old times sake that keeps you locked INTO memories for old times sake.

NOW....maybe a nice thing could be where you get friends OVER if they know about it...and have a blow your nose in his t shirt contest( if you are keeping such stuff)..or...a

8X10 picture of him from an old pic...pin it to a sheet..and have a pizza toss at his face.

WHATEVER!

But theres LOTS of stuff you can do ig you NEED to......and want to..but for many folks..if you sent it back within two weeks...it looks FAR more like you meant it than sending it back 1 year later.THAT looks desperate I think.

Id bet most guys have a few things MAYBE.....possibly...if they USE the stuff( like a CD player)..but a CARD?

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll...tell ya what.

Not many guys I know..And I talked to PLENTY about this same thing.

And they said..WHY should ya? Its over..my new girlfriend wanted it out so its GONE.

If they were MARRIED? More than likely the wife AND the OM decided mutually that if they were staying together...YOUR stuff is OUTTA there. ANd he wont risk it and AINT hiding it in the attic ladies.

And 99% of the time..I doubt if he SENDS your stuff back a long time later...he KEEPS it..sells it, TRADES it..or TOSSES it.

JMHO:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:15am
""Say BYE BYE Jerk wad! Thanks for the lousey memories! And watch out for the rat trap!""" THANKS FOR MAKING ME SMILE THIS MORNING!!! LOL



I was thinking the same thing - boxing it all up and sending it to him but I think I am doing it out of anger and to hurt him so I am gonna wait. This is so "fresh" still - barely one month and he is rebuilding so I think I would just look bitter - which I am right now!PISSED and BITTER. And she would see everything he gave me. OK - so I say to you - GO FOR IT - mail it all back. I feel the same way about so much unsaid - I think it is not fair when that happens (I am struggling with whether or not to send a letter)

BEST WISHES and have a great day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 1:01am
I was in the middle of typing my most brilliant post ever when this thing flipped over to the new format. Now I'm too tired to start over! Anyway, I admire you for being able to throw stuff out - I'm not there yet.

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