New to this board/very sad today

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
New to this board/very sad today
3
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:08am
I'm not sure if this is the right board for me or not but I would like some advice please. I was in an EMA for about 2 1/2 years with someone at work. We are both married. My relationship with H has been over in my mind for the last 10 years but we have kids and that's why I stay. Not really sure at this point if anything MM has told me is true or not. I've really been trying to end this for about a year now. I don't know why I'm holding on to this relationship. He really doesn't make any effort to keep it going. I even changed jobs as a first step to really ending it. He pleaded with me to send him an email from my new job to let him know how I was doing. I did. He responded a few days later and it was just a general "glad to hear from you" kind of message. That was last week sometime. Against my better judgement I called him yesterday because I wanted to hear his voice...he seemed pleased to hear from me, said he was thinking about emailing me. We briefly talked about work stuff, his problems at home, and after about 10 minutes he tells me that he's snowed under and working on something that was due in a few minutes (on the hour) so I said ok, I would let him go...when he said goodbye he didn't even ask me for my new number. I feel so foolish for hanging on to something that was never really there. I suppose it's really over now because he is v-e-r-y bad at initiating any contact and since he doesn't have my number I don't have to worry about any phone calls or messages. I still to this day don't know why I held on so long. Very depressed today and can't seem to shake it. Thanks for reading this. NH2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:49am
NH

Welcome, yes you are in the right place, hang in there and you will get some great support.

Idea :Maybe you have hong on to this because you have not dealt with the problems in your marriage, have you and DH done MC or individual councling routersville, more then one dead marriage has been brought back to life again.

Just my humble questions and opinion

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:55pm
Hi Free,

We actually have tried MC but the issues for me are so deep and go so far back that I don't want to try anymore. I go though each day just existing and trying to make the best of it. Unfortunately my H thinks that everything is just peachy (I'm a pretty good actress aren't I?). He was a heavy drinker for a long time until about 2 years ago but the neglect and mental abuse is too difficult to forget. I stopped loving him a long time ago and each time I have to tell him that I love him it just eats me up inside. He knows about the EMA and is very insecure (understandibly so) and now instead of neglecting me he's smothering me. I pray to God sometimes to take me out of this pain. I guess fortunately for my kids...He hasn't done it yet.

NH
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 2:37pm
NH

We see a fair number of spouses of drink/drug addicts, abusers and I understand that the pain and wounds can go to the core of a persons soul.

Maybe you need to consentrate on healing you rather then your marriage at this point in time. For some people a GOOD individual councelor can help a lot, it may not be for everyone but for many it can make a big difference in helping to deal with the anger and pain.

I don't believe that God kills people, the Church I grow up in said that God is the giver of life and not a taker of it, so if you are a praying person maybe your praying should be that God would help you heal your heart and family.

I know a bit to pushy but there only ideas for you to accept or not as you see fit.

JMHO

Free