A New Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
A New Day
7
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 4:01pm
I was sitting outside today and looking up at the beautiful blue sky. I had started out feeling unhappy & sad for myself. Thinking about how screwed up my life has become, how sad it is that my marriage has had to endure my A, how MM wants to continue w/me, how it's been so long since I truly felt happy. And then, I had this very calming wave descend upon me. Looking at the sky, I realized that I am the luckiest woman in the world. I have an incredible H who loves me so much, in spite of myself, in spite of my mistakes, in spite of my A. He loves me, he cherishes me, he would do anything in his power to make me smile, and even knowing all he knows (and he knows virtually everything about my A) he wants a future with me. I realized that happiness is within my reach, if I want to embrace it. And I do, I do!! And now it's all clear to me how I can do it. Just stop allowing MM to worm his way back into my life. I cared a lot about him, but I NEVER loved him. Will I miss him? Sure, but I've come to realize that I can miss him the way I miss other people I've had to say good-bye to in my life. And look what I'm getting in return - a wonderful H whom I love & who loves me, no more guilt, no more overanalyzing, no more dealing with MM & his exhausting life. I'm so happy right now I could jump up & down (if it wasn't for this darn cast!!). I just wanted to pass on the happy news.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 8:39pm
Blue

Out of sight Girl.

Hon cheating married men are just sink holes that suck all the life out of you, a good husband GIVES YOU LIFE.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 8:49pm
Thanks Free! Your insights & advice this last week have been really helpful to me. I'm still riding the high of my afternoon realization. I feel such control again. That's one of the things I hated most that MM took from me - control. He was such a control freak & I don't normally allow other people to control me. Tomorrow I start my new job & I'm hoping that symbollically it will also be the start of a new me - a me w/o MM. I don't blame MM for the confusion/hurt he's caused in my life - I am fully responsible for letting him in. But, I also plan on being fully responsible for slamming the door in his face, once and for all!! There is absolutely NO need for me to every reply to him again. He's not a friend & as you suggested in another post, was probably never one at all. These last few days he has sent me very inappropriate emails - even by his usually inappropriate standards, and enough is enough for me!!

Thanks again!

Blue-eyed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 8:58pm
Blue

Those are the actions of a Desperate cheating married man, you are slipping out of his grasp and he knows it.

Lets here it for new beginnings and better days.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 3:41am
Hi Blue,

Your post is fantastic - so encouraging - thanks you.

On weak days i will come and read this to keep me going.

Heres to a free life without the whining of pathetic XMM, lets take control of our lifes again!!

Cheers,

Kerry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 8:31am
You are truly very lucky!!!!!

I wish you the best with your H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 8:41am
Congratulations! :) I love when people post things like this. Hang onto that strength!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 6:15pm
Thank you everyone for your support!! I had a wonderful first day at my new job & I felt so happy with my decision to finally close the door on MM. I have not emailed him how my first day went (he had helped me get the job and so I had originally planned on doing so) and I've decided I'm not going to. No need to give him false hope of further email/interaction. I've done some further thinking & decided I will not be sending him a good-bye email. Frankly, he doesn't deserve it. He's never been dumped before & believes he's the greatest thing for womankind. He does not regret or feel guilty for having A's and he's had several. Instead, I am just never going to respond or send him an email again. My H was so proud & happy that I had such a great day at work & it made me enjoy it even more, being able to share my happiness with him. I love my new life & plan to keep loving it!!