new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
new here
4
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 2:54pm
Hi everyone,
Well today Ive realized my A is over. While it has not been said by either of us it is obvious. He has become a new converted vegan and spouts hatred at anyone for eating eggs or animal parts of any kind. How he has changed in just 2 weeks is scary. He has gone from a fun loving guy to an extremist who spouts off anything he can about cruelty to animals. I have voiced my opinion and said I do feel for them and respect his opinion but do not fully agree he says he is disappointed because I refuse to look at it and give excuses for those who hurt living things.
The last few months I have helped him financially as he lost his job. I am not sure if this is what has caused him to look for something to have worth while or what but wow is he brainwashed the way he is so out of control saying his so called "friends" who eat meat will have blood on their hands etc.
I am extremely saddened that I have lost the person I fell for. he thinks I do not want to look at reality when there is nothing further from the truth. Why can't my opinion be respected as well? Why am I being persecuted for not having the same beliefs? It really is unfair. I have been here 2 days and he has not asked to see me. We have a LDR and Ive waited months to see him. I told him I didnt know what else to say that I was not defending people but it isn't black and white. He didn't respond so I jumped off. it is more than obvious he does not want to see me and right now I do not know what to say, if anything. It just hurts that is all I know. Bet being replaced by a cow and chicken is a first on here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: nolove4me
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 4:13pm

Dear NL,



I'm not quite sure how to respond to you being that neither of you has actually said your A is over, but if he is not making any attempt at seeing you, then something is definitely different.



I ask you to read the board, read the Healing Library, and get familiar with some of the more recent posters. Doing this, you will get a feel for what the ending is like, and how to handle it if it is, in fact, over. Remember, this board is for people who have decided to end their affairs, so if you are just in limbo due to his sudden behavior, you will have to make the decision that it is over if you want to continue posting here.



The board is undergoing some technical changes and will be closed to posting starting tomorrow evening through Oct. 4th. and

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: nolove4me
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 1:07pm

Hi nolove,

If in fact it is obvious to you that the affair is over, then at this point make some changes and go forward living your own life. To do that, you need to have No Contact with him and you will probably have to block him and yourself from contacting each other. Harsh, but 100% necessary to move on.

Your post took me back to my affair simply because you are having difficulty understanding this man and his beliefs. I was there for more years than I want to remember during my affair. I wasn't dealing with a sudden Vegan convert, but my opinions, beliefs and values meant little to my xAP. He belittled me and made fun of everything that meant something to me. He even made fun of the success my husband has worked so hard for. (and paid for xAP's hotel rooms) I found it so exasperating to try and explain myself to this man, only to finally realize my words fell on deaf ears. He challenged everything I said, no matter the subject. Eventually, I had enough. My prince charming was not so princely. And I was LDR as well.

I understand eating a Vegan diet, I've dabbled in it a bit myself. I've shared some of my new found knowledge with friends and family, but in no way do I damn them for eating as they wish. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this! But the core issue here is the affair and why you are involved in this. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
In reply to: nolove4me
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 2:09pm
Thank you Band for your kind words. Right now I am very angry. Angry that he has done this and ruined what was supposed to be our time together. Mostly though I guess I am angry that he broke the bubble of my dream. The fantasy is gone and all I am left with is broken shards. I am hurt, hurt that my friendship means nothing to him and all I have to show for it is a big slap in the face.
I do know, deep down, that this really is the best thing that could have happened. I wanted it to end but didnt have the strength to do it. There is no doubt in my mind that it is over. The damage has been done and I cannot be with someone who would toss me aside so easily and quickly. I very much appreciate a person's wanting to be a vegan and would never ever make a derogatory comment about this life style change. Once I feel good enough, I have to pick up the pieces and find what gaping hole inside me this A fulfilled (if even in my fantasy).
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Amazing what we will put up with and tolerate for some attention.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: nolove4me
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 3:27pm
Just wanted to share with you that myself and many here, have been in the exact same place where you are now. I promise you with hard work, determination and a desire to truly be done, you will have brighter days. If it helps, use the anger to empower you, but don't dwell or wallow in it. And don't allow the anger to give you a reason to have a closure talk with him. Basically, resolve to say "I'm mad and I'm not going to take it anymore". Silly ol' saying, but it's true. I understand the hurt, it makes us feel like saying then what was this all about. You question everything that happened and every spoken word. BTDT, not worth the time you spend agonizing over it. Put it behind you and focus on your real life. hugs