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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
New here
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Mon, 12-14-2009 - 11:22am

Ugh...I posted a LONG story and lost it all. So I guess here I go again. Well, I am new here, and have been reading this board for the past week. It has helped me tremendously, and I thought I would post my story to maybe get some advice or insight into what I am going through.


I am a MW with 2 wonderful kids. My H is a wonderful father and man, however, I do not love him and havent in quite some time. We have nothing in common, no passion, and havent even kissed in years. We get along fine.....like I said...we are just 2 seperate people with seperate lives. I have had a few A's throughout the years, but I usually grew bored and ended them. I think I was looking for more of an emotional connection versus a physical one, and for most men it is all about the physical. Well about 3 months ago on FB, I found an old classmate, that was one of my best friends in Jr High. We would talk for hours everynight on the phone, but we never dated or were romantically involved. We added each other as friends, and I sent the standard email of "hey how are you, where you at?" etc. I fully thought that would be it, but we ended up emailing back and forth the whole day catching up. As luck...or fate....would have it, his wife and told him just the week before that she wanted a divorce, and he was struggling with that. So I ended up letting him vent and consoling him. Literally the week we started talking, he discovered his wife was having an affair, and moved out. We talked continously as I helped him deal with all that was going on. He lives 4 hours from me but travels to my town twice a month. A month into our reconnecting, he came to where I was and we hooked up. By this time, our conversations had gone from me being the consoling friend to more sexual in nature. So when he came to visit, we ended up becoming physical, and to say it was intense would be downplaying it. I think we both realized at that point we were screwed....no pun intended. He went back and our conversations totally became about "us", and the fact that there was a connection. He came back again 2 weeks later, and after that we declared our love for each other. The intensity of our relationship just escalated at that point. Then in Nov, training for work took me his way. I lied to my family and extended my trip 2 days and went and stayed with him. It happened to also fall on my birthday, so he took me out to eat at an expensive restuarant, and we had an incredible intimate evening. The day I drove home I cried the whole way over the helplessness of the situation. He also went into a deep depression for about a week. I will not leave my husband, and he knows this. My kids and husband either one deserve to lose each other because I am in love with someone else. If there was abuse or a bad situation, then yes, I would leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: lonelyandsad68
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 1:05pm

L and S,


I am sorry you find yourself here because that means you are in some sort of emotional pain, but we are here to help you through it if you will let us. Also, welcome to EAS.


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Because this board is about ending an affair, unfortunately you are going to have to ruin what you have now, which may I ask, is what exactly? False feel goods that seem to help you get through the day? Cyber

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
In reply to: lonelyandsad68
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 1:34pm
Thanks for the reply. Yes....some of it was hard to take, however, I agree 100% with what you said. I apologize for posting on this board. I realize I need to actually end the affair before I ask for support. I had been following this thread because it gave me comfort reading what others had been through and seeing that they did get through it. Yes, I am being selfish. Yes, he is going to find someone else with better values than I have. So I need to let him go. And I am working hard to get to that point. I hate myself for who I am. I do not like being a cheater. And yes, I have talked to my husband till I am blue in the face. He is who he is, and I am who I am. All I am trying to do is be happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: lonelyandsad68
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 2:09pm

Hi L&S,


Welcome to EAS. CL-Iddy has brought up some great questions and I too am confused if you are taking steps to end you’re as your post does not make it clear that you are.


<<My H is a wonderful father and man, however, I do not love him and havent in quite some time. We have nothing in common, no passion, and havent even kissed in years. We get along fine.....like I said...we are just 2 seperate people with seperate lives.>>


This happens in many Ms over time. If two people don’t work at the relationship and the intimacy then it can fall by the wayside. Many here who are M (me for 23 yrs.) and ended their A’s admit that if they put as much time into their M as they did in their A, then their M would have been a great M. You said you ran off with AP for two days. When was the last time you got away with H for two days without the kids?


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You may feel like you are “stuck” but no one is truly stuck in an M unless they are being held hostage. You may feel stuck because you don’t like the options if you D but then you are choosing to stay because it is better than the options.


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Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.