Im sorry that you got entagled in this mess. I can relate that I have broken NC as well. I am back on my true path. I am the S one in this situation so I know how hard it is to wait for XMM to come around. It was wrong on my part to even pursue him period. It is the addiction of the feel goods that makes us go back. Or the illusion of it being something it isnt. I do not know you and I will not speak of how you feel or think of this. But I know being in this type of situation the logic and reason seems to slip in one ear and right out the other. You did what my XMM did and I let him. I cant blame him. He however did not want to end it either and why should he? Do what is best for the both of you and stick to NC. It is best for the both of you. He deserves to find someone who will give him 100% and you need to work on your M and you family. Good luck!
Hi mom :) woa dont know where to start after reading all of this lol. I was in almost the exact same situation as you 18 months ago. With XAP (single coworker) for 10 months. He said all the same things your XAP did and I felt the same as you (the victim). I never ever thought of his feelings at the time. Which is so so wrong and selfish of me when I look back in hindsight. Believe me when you look back on this you will be disgusted with not only the way you have betrayed your H but with the way you treated XAP. I spent months playing the victim and staying angry at XAP. Its only in the last few months ive started to take the blame for my own hurt and suffering and also start to realise that he must have been suffering too some what.
I however, did decide to leave my H and home for XAP, as we were "sooo in love" and we were "soul mates" ,he "understood me better than anyone else ",we had an "amazing s*x life" and all that other stuff we all think in A's....BUT believe me things change after that! Your A is not fantasy any more and RL starts to creep in. We only
I am glad that Gal shared her story and you have found resonance in her story and her words.
"That's why I seem to be "a cake eater" like other put it, insensitive, selfish, and all the words in the book short of the b word. I have never been attacked like that in my life, especially after opening up my heart and being extremely honest about what happened and what went on."
Like Iddy suggested, I would encourage you to read as much as you can here. With time, reflection and lots of EAS reading you will come to learn, that at some point in this journey we EACH must own up to our selfish, insensitive, cake-eating BEHAVIOURS: it is as humbling as it is liberating because the you will feel empowered, you will learn & you will grow so much. You won't feel vulnerable for ending up in affair again because you will see the conscious decisions you made to enable the affair and take steps to fix whatever was going wrong inside you. I know that you are not defined by your affair, just like I am not. You, nor I behaved well during the A. It is the behaviours and the think processing behind them that are being challenged.
WE HAVE ALL btdt Mom. You can't fix what you won't acknowledge.
I wish you the best, and hope that you'll continue to post.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." — Maya Angelou
You are in a very vunerable, depressed, confusing state at the moment so its impossible for you think straight. So dont be too hard on yourself. But you must start to take responsibility for your own actions :( Im sorry to be harsh on you but it really is very your own good :) Whilst you are addicted to all the love and attention
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Mom_garfy
Im sorry that you got entagled in this mess. I can relate that I have broken NC as well. I am back on my true path. I am the S one in this situation so I know how hard it is to wait for XMM to come around. It was wrong on my part to even pursue him period. It is the addiction of the feel goods that makes us go back. Or the illusion of it being something it isnt. I do not know you and I will not speak of how you feel or think of this. But I know being in this type of situation the logic and reason seems to slip in one ear and right out the other. You did what my XMM did and I let him. I cant blame him. He however did not want to end it either and why should he? Do what is best for the both of you and stick to NC. It is best for the both of you. He deserves to find someone who will give him 100% and you need to work on your M and you family. Good luck!
Mom,
I will give you the advice my mom has given me when I have been 'served' my ego on a platter:
BUCK UP.
Seriously.
You want out of this affair? Continue to post, read until your head hurts, lick your wounds and get on with it.
Time to re-commit to working your a$$ off to get to the bottom of how you got to the bottom.
You need not go through this alone.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Mom,
<
~Iddy~
Garfy
NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...
Fate d
Hi mom :) woa dont know where to start after reading all of this lol. I was in almost the exact same situation as you 18 months ago. With XAP (single coworker) for 10 months. He said all the same things your XAP did and I felt the same as you (the victim). I never ever thought of his feelings at the time. Which is so so wrong and selfish of me when I look back in hindsight. Believe me when you look back on this you will be disgusted with not only the way you have betrayed your H but with the way you treated XAP. I spent months playing the victim and staying angry at XAP. Its only in the last few months ive started to take the blame for my own hurt and suffering and also start to realise that he must have been suffering too some what.
I however, did decide to leave my H and home for XAP, as we were "sooo in love" and we were "soul mates" ,he "understood me better than anyone else ",we had an "amazing s*x life" and all that other stuff we all think in A's....BUT believe me things change after that! Your A is not fantasy any more and RL starts to creep in. We only
Garfy
NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...
Fate d
Mom,
I was going to post after you said you were leaving the board to beg you to at least still read here. I
~Iddy~
Mom,
I am glad that Gal shared her story and you have found resonance in her story and her words.
"That's why I seem to be "a cake eater" like other put it, insensitive, selfish, and all the words in the book short of the b word. I have never been attacked like that in my life, especially after opening up my heart and being extremely honest about what happened and what went on."
Like Iddy suggested, I would encourage you to read as much as you can here. With time, reflection and lots of EAS reading you will come to learn, that at some point in this journey we EACH must own up to our selfish, insensitive, cake-eating BEHAVIOURS: it is as humbling as it is liberating because the you will feel empowered, you will learn & you will grow so much. You won't feel vulnerable for ending up in affair again because you will see the conscious decisions you made to enable the affair and take steps to fix whatever was going wrong inside you. I know that you are not defined by your affair, just like I am not. You, nor I behaved well during the A. It is the behaviours and the think processing behind them that are being challenged.
WE HAVE ALL btdt Mom. You can't fix what you won't acknowledge.
I wish you the best, and hope that you'll continue to post.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
You are in a very vunerable, depressed, confusing state at the moment so its impossible for you think straight. So dont be too hard on yourself. But you must start to take responsibility for your own actions :( Im sorry to be harsh on you but it really is very your own good :) Whilst you are addicted to all the love and attention
Garfy
NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...
Fate d
Pages