New here and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
New here and confused
45
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 4:33pm

Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 2:03pm

You've been having a rough time of it, Mom, and although I can understand why you feel attacked and misunderstood, I don't believe anything that was said here was said without good intentions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 2:19pm

Mom,

I called you a cake eater. I been called one and I was one. It comes to you as an attack but know that it was never my intention to attack. I am not one to coddle, not when it comes to A's and ending them. You did have some harsh banter going back and forth. I could see why you would be hurt and/or feel attacked.

There is a vet here. Her moniker is Clarity. Which was very fitting. She is something else. In a great way. She gave me a few licks when I first started posting. I resented her. I felt like she doesnt know me. How dare her? I was very upset and was scared to even respond. I shut my mouth. And I read. And I read. And I read.
Sounds like your were doing the same...time passed, and more time passed and I had to read that post from Clarity again. When I did, I realized everything she said was right. I had to swallow my pride and humble myself to this women. And the women on the board, and some men too. There are so many women who have been here and stayed and passed on knowledge. We do not always agree...we dispute things amongst one another. We have learned not to take things so personally. We have learned each others strengths and we really support each other's weaknesses. Think about all the posts you got from TOTAL STRANGERS showing you support and even after you broke NC, still people wrote, even after your dispute with TU...and me if you want to throw me in, look at today, all the posts. This is where you need to be if you want to get out of this A.

I am happy Gal shared her story. I am happy you are finding comfort. I hope you stay and post and at the very least read and read and read. You can not do this by yourself. I liked to think I could too. But A's are so powerful.

While I do not have a story like your, due to Gal and others that have post, I have an idea of what your situation is like. No matter what side you are on, A's suck the life out of you. They rob everyone you love too...they derail us and eventually we crash and burn. I am sorry you are hurting. I am sorry for exAP as well. I am also sorry if I hurt you. I stand by what was said tho. It is what it is. This board is not only about support, its also about accountability. Its give and take. Unlike A's.

We obviously care about you and your situation. I hope you believe that.

And no one thinks you are bad person. No one on this board anyway. You said all these things like we are questioning your character. NO. We have all been in A's, who the hell would we be to question? People who have A's are not bad people. We just made some bad choices. No need to tell us about who you are in real life. Most have been here a while and see people. ALL PEOPLE engage in A's. They do not discriminate. Poor, rich, white black, straight or gay. They have all been here...So u see, regardless of community status or otherwise. No one is too good for an A. And the truth is, it does not matter to us. We care, it is really that simple. We care and we welcome you.

Hope you change your mind about posting...

Oh and Clarity was around recently. She dropped us line and let us know how she was doing. You would have thought it was the second coming of Jesus, we were all so so so happy to see her post again. Man she would tell us like it is. I am sorry she is not here like she used to be, but her posts live on and I am so thankful for it. I am hoping one day you will feel the same about the board and just about everyone on it. You may not...I could be wrong. Guess we shall see.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 2:59pm

"No one is too good for an A. And the truth is, it does not matter to us. We care, it is really that simple. We care and we welcome you."

Totally, without doubt.

I'm sorry it felt like a hazing of sorts.

Welcome to EAS (-:

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 2:06pm

Hi Mom and welcome to the board. I am sorry I am so late in responding to your message. I haven't had as much time as of late to post. I am glad your last post wasn't your last post. We've seen many new enders throw up a wall, get defensive, and say they will never post again. I urge you to stick around. No one here means you any harm. We've all made mistakes. That is why we are here. None of us are perfect. But it was the tough love here that saved my life (now over 6 months NC). Some of what people here had to say was tough to swallow. My first response was to get defensive and feel attacked, then I had to remember that everyone here had been in my shoes at one point, and maybe, just maybe, their perspective was worth considering.

All of that said, I am glad you have resolved to end your A. Now the hard part comes. You will feel pain. You will want to reach out to him, but for your sake, your xap's sake and your H's sake, you simply cannot. Remember, NC is not a punishment, it is a gift. Going NC will allow you both to heal and move on with your lives. Yes, it will hurt, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Let us walk beside you as you move toward it.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 6:49pm
Sorry you don't feel too supported on here, Mom. We do realize that breaking NC never results in any good. I honestly don't think you want a DDay, and each time NC is established the risk goes up. I have seen where a person wanted to make contact one time and they are caught. Also if you exAP feels vengeful, he might decide to contact your H. We tend to think they would never do that but if they are hurt...... It has happened. I do hope you post here still. Have a good night, Mom:)

Pages