New here and in a fragile state
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| Wed, 01-05-2005 - 9:28pm |
I am in a very fragile state and apprehensive about posting here because everyone here seems so much further along than me Or has left their MM/OM and not the ones who were left. A little background. Both MM and I are married. We dated before met our spouses. We always remained friends. Been in an A for over 2 years. Last night we had an argument (sort of a reoccurring one) and MM ended things. I was blown away as I did not see it coming. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to me today. So I emailed him in the morning and then again this afternoon. Finally he emailed me back and said he hadn't changed his mind and would prefer us not to speak for a bit. He emailed me again and said he didn't think this was the time to speak or email and to please respect that. I proceeded to email like 4 more times (b/c I was freaking out). I called twice and text messaged like 4 times. Finally he emailed and said please no more emails. I am absolutely CRUSHED! First I can only imagine what he thinks about me. I am sure he thinks I am a nut which rips me a part. It is killing me thinking he thinks less of me. I also don't know how to even begin to feel better. AND after all of his cold remarks and in my opinion, unfair treatment I can't even say I don't still want him!! I have erased all his text messages and emails. I just don;t know how to get through this.
I know staying busy is important but I have a young child at home and my H travels a lot so I am alone a lot. I have lots of friends but none who know about this. I really am struggling with getting through tonight. Never mind a whole day tomorrow.
Cap

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Hi,
I am so sorry for your pain. I too dated my OM before I was married. We were actually high school sweethearts. I think the fact you dated before makes it even harder.
My A just ended. It only lasted 6 weeks, but this is someone I know on a deep level. I was trying NC for sometime, but couldn't keep it up. We had a fight last thursday night and I called him all weekend and couldn't stop, just like you explained. It made it harder with New Years too. The more I called and didn't get a call back, the more I wanted to call. I thought I was the only one.
Like others said, it is very painful. I do feel a tiny bit better than I did last weekend, so in time you will feel a bit better.
If you were looking to never leave your husband, this was inevitable. Maybe it is for the best.
I wish you all the best. Hang in there.
((hugs))
Littlesoul
capnmit,
we have all been where you are now. NC like you heard is very hard. i still miss him each day and wish he would call.
if you want to move on then you have to start no contact. also, he may just be upset and need time.
you need to decide what you want. deep down i wish i could be married and have continued my relationship with OM. i guess my fairygirl dream wont come true.
it does help to write down your thoughts and keep a journal. i do this at work.
it helps to write him a letter with what you feel and then dont send it.
right now i think you should let it cool off for a couple of days or weeks. i know its hard. on the other hand if you call or write too much he'll think you are crazy and maybe regret more that he started this with you. if you give him time you also allow him the time to miss you.
i know this is easier said then done. i wish i could have been strong, but he took the best of me. he took me soo high that the fall down seems eternal.
write here as much as possible it really helps. and dont spend time alone!
upsidedown
Thank you everyone for beign so kind. I was worried everyone was goign to say "just never talk to him again and you will be fine". I am so not ready to say I can stay in NC forever. Not callign him now is torture!
Little-
I was in such a spiral yesterday..calling, emailing.. I couldn't stop. It was driving me crazy! Have you spoken to your exMm since the callign frenzy?? How many days of NC has it beeN?
MM sort of said this probably was inevitable so that is what is making me think he will stick to his decision. I just hate thinkign he won;t think about me or miss. I tends to have zero confidence at times like this.. like the past 2 years meant nothing to him. I know in the long run it will probably be better if we never do get back but that thought hurts too much right now. I just can't handle all this at one time!
Hiya Bri,
By all means make your list/schedule, just mark off the hours you wouldn't normally have heard from him anyway! ;)
It's a control thing, Bri. He's not playing your game by giving you what you need when you want that need met.
It's a crutch thing, too. Remember you walked for years without that particular crutch and you're quite capable of walking without it right now. You just don't want to do so yet and are more than a bit scared & rather irked that it's been snatched out from under you.
When we expect someone else to carry the burden of making us happy, we have to expect that the load will eventually become too much for them to carry and that they'll eventually come to resent us for overburdening them. We can perpetually replace the happiness-carriers every few years, or we can begin to work out what makes us happy so we can start carrying that load ourselves.
Have you discussed OMM with your T yet, Bri? It's a vital piece of the Bria-puzzle and if you leave that bit out, your T really can't help you to help yourself.
Glad you're going out with DD, just leave the cell at HOME! ;)
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
capnmit,
knowing i am a part of is past is devestating....
i hope that feeling goes away with time
if he only knew what i have gone through because of him: i have been depressed lost weight (only good thing) taken medication gone to a conselor talked to a priest.
i have been soo low at times that i wish i could just be by myself and walk away from it all.
upsidedown
That is what I want to do..just walk away from my life for a bit. I tried toplan out my day to be with others. I just hope I can keep it together.
I can't even begin to think that I will be a distan memory one day..too painful!
Just need to get thru today!
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